Favorite The League Quotes
Andre: Gina, you look absolutely stunning tonight.
Gina: Thank you, although it's not really a compliment coming from you, because you look like you run the jerk-off stand at a Romanian sex circus.
Taco: You can lead a horse to horse-c*ck, but you can't make him eat it.
Ruxin: That is not a Chinese proverb.
Taco: That's what it said on my fortune scrotum!
Pete: I'm just focused on the hate-date.
Jenny: I don't know, Pete.
Andre: What about those flowers you got her?
Pete: They were hate flowers.
Andre: And the poem you wrote her?
Pete: Hate poem.
Gina: Don't you just love bum fights?
Pete: Of course I love bum fights! Who doesn't love a good bum fight?
All women love "The Bachelor." This is like having a bunch of homeless Chris Harrisons!
Andre
Ruxin: Doctor, I don't understand why you'd think I would lie to you.
Doctor: I don't know why you would lie to me. You seem to do it almost on instinct.
Ruxin: Yeah, that is my knee-jerk reaction--to lie. I'm just more comfortable swimming in those waters.
Doctor: Stress?
Ruxin: Yeah, stress is real. I'm the commissioner of my fantasy football league.
Doctor: You've brought that up several times.
Pete: Does he know about Dirty Randy and the jizz-fest porno?
Andre: Do you think I have to disclose that?
Pete: Yeah, it's a law, it's called jizz-closure.
I love when a belt buckle reflects what someone's hobbies are.
Taco
If you're into whores, I know some who are way cheaper and have much better taste in furniture.
Taco
Ellie: Are you gonna get a divorce?
Jenny: No, we're not gonna get a divorce! We live in a great house!
We're also gonna sell your d*ck for gasoline.
Rafi
