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You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uhhh, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it and I thought she was into me. But, now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know. She's touching around down there it's easy to get confused.

Andy

What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped and given up after two rejections. Would've been a less shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it. But, that's not... the point.

Michael

Oscar: I don't see how we can possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost-
Michael: Okay, well sometimes, sometimes, it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes?
Oscar: Actually, I ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes financial sense to gain ... money?
Michael: Why don't you run them again.
Jim: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price.
Michael: If she is it's working.

I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier and I want to show you. There we go! Look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes! Those are Shrek green eyes. That is me again! I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white. And that would be a display of the crisp. Gorgeous. Black.

Michael

Kelly: I never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight: I know, because you have no role models! How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly: I can't think of any CEOs. Any race.
Dwight: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian... Ted Turner.
Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight: That's not... [sighs] she's... OK. Yes.

Dwight: Man! White people, right?
Kelly: I don't know if she was white.
Dwight: Well you can kind of tell from their voice.
Kelly: Yeah.
Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race.
Kelly: Well they say it's because of texting but, maybe you're right.

Michael: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike!
Pam: Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim: Alright!
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela: I knew it! You should see their baby.

Dwight: How has being a minority affected you.
Kelly: Well there's a lot of pressure from my parents, to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
Dwight: Oh good, and you resent this because?
Kelly: Indian guys always wear their cellphones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
Dwight: No no no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911? Hello, Scranton strangler's in the house. Inside the house!
Kelly: Just put it in your pocket.

Michael: This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.
Donna: Who took the photo?
Michael: Ryan.

Michael is having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So, I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender and, um... [holds up sticky notes with male and female... genitalia drawn on them] I should have been more specific.

Oscar

Michael: [to camera] La telephona.
Oscar: El telephono.

Pam: I was wrong too. I thought she was interested in you.
Michael: She suckered you too ... was it the cleavage.
Pam: Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 30 in total

The Office Season 6 Episode 23 Quotes

Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Dwight

She could've left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob-shirt.

Pam