Michael: It's actually not the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row! Ohhhhhhhh it was freezing! No, no, no! Oh! This is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted one of those packages, where you have the five, you know, friends, friends and family thing. And the guy was like, "who are your five friends" and I'm like, "uhhh." I didn't even know! I couldn't even think! Oh my God it was so embarrassing! That was - I don't even have Jan's cellphone number! And I hate her! She won't give it to me! I was like "oh I guess I'm a loser." A looooo-ooo-ooooser. Too far! God. Thanks a lot man! Thanks for the advice.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim: Wow.
Michael: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim: Who doesn't?
Michael: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Creed: I vant to sell you blood!
Ryan: That's really not the trend in vampires right now.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Manager: And I must say that since we are a family business it's nice to see that you are too.
Andy: Ohhhh! No. Wow. You thought that? Oh my gosh. Oh definitely not.
Manager: My mistake, I'm sorry.
Pam: It's okay.
Andy: Actually it's kind of not okay. I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Giselle, uh, a nine.
Manager: That's... that's good for you.
Pam: Anyway, we also have a special on-
Andy: Pam's carrying our surrogate. Because, my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. So we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. Doesn't matter what Pam looks like.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh, we have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Darryl: You're not as scary as Bookface over there.
Jim: Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?
Erin: Staples?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. Then he'd have to put on my suit. And it'd be too short. And he'd look... dammit he'd still look good.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dwight: Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But-
• Rating: 9.5 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: Welcome children of the Scranton industrial park community! Join your gangster pumpkin on his pallet truck of doom!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
1
2
Total Quotes: 20
