The Office

The Office Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 6: "Hot Girl"

Katy: It was nice to meet some of you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Roy: Well, what is your type?
Jim: ... Moms, primarily. Yup. Soccer moms. Single moms. Nascar moms. Any type of mom really.
Kevin: Stay away from my mom...
Jim: Too late, Kev.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Starbucks. Oh man, that place is like the promised land!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Coffee is a drug. It is quite literally a drug. It speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder-Mifflin in the '80s before people knew how bad cocaine was... gahhhh, man did they move paper!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: [helping clean out Michael's car] What about this bottle of power drink on the back seat.
Michael: What flavor?
Ryan: Blue.
Michael: Blue is not a flavor.
Ryan: It says: "Flavor: Blue Blast."
Michael: Ooh, Blue Blast. Put that in the left cup holder...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 5: "Basketball"

Michael: Hey Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some uh pigtails, little ah, halter top you could tie that up. And, you know, some little, just youthful for a change, just this once.
Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiancé.
Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncy skirt if you want, and ...
Michael: Yeah i bet you would, just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad at sports way. I think that goes without saying.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
Michael: Oh, yeah right.
Phyllis: I'll do it.
Michael: Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: My fiancé has plans for us this Saturday, so I really hope Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him.... I'm kidding. Kidding. Totally kidding.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight: Gimli.
Michael: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: And this is the foreman. Mis-dah Ra-jahs.
Darryl: It's not my real name.
Michael: No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mis-da Ra-jahs.
Ryan: Darryl Rogers?
Darryl: Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mis-dah Ra-jahs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: So, we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that that should be... Jim.
Jim: God this is so sad. I think this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to somebody's head.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Please don't throw garbage at me.
Michael: Pam with the zinger!
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: I can play if you need any help.
Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right.
Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 4: "The Alliance"

Michael: When I retire, I - I don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives everything back. I want it to be like: "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Umm, well, uh, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott!" "But - it was anonymous, how do you know?" "...Because I'm him!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that I get no pleasure out of saying the words "you're fired." "You're fired." Oh, "you're fired." He just makes people sad. And an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be "you're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Did you get your tickets?
Jim: To what?
Dwight: [kisses bicep] The gun show.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meredith: [reading birthday card] This one's from Michael, "Let's hope the only downsizing this year is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael: Get it? 'Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And 'cause you're old.
Meredith: I get it.
Michael: Meredith is so old...(how old is she?) Meredith is so old, that when she went to an antique store, they kept her. I got that off the internet, it's not mine. Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called she wants her age back and her divorces back! Get it? 'Cause she's getting old, and she's been divorced what, twice?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "The Office" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!