Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?

Kevin: It's negative!
Michael: God... we're gonna beat this, OK? C'mere...
[later, in interview]
Michael: Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means 'good.' Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community that would be chaos.

I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.

Kelly

Hey Pam? All that stuff with Kevin... pretty scary. I'm thinking that, uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out, you know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking timebags.

Michael

Michael: You know what the best medicine is?
Kevin: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael: And laughter.

Pam: We got Kevin 69 Cup-of-Noodles.
Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number.
Pam: And his favorite lunch.

Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Dwight

Dwight: OK, that is not an eight-foot sub.
Delivery Boy: Uh, we don't make an eight-foot sub. This is eight one-foot subs.
Dwight: F.

If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.

Pam

Oh, fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So I have a perfect icebreaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher.

Michael

Michael: You need someone in the middle to facilitate -
Jake: You're just a middleman.
Michael: I'm not just a middleman.
Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the manufacturer just sell the paper directly to people?
Michael: You are describing Office Depot. And they are kind of running us out of business.
Dwight: We have better service than they do!

[to Toby's daughter] Hello, tiny one. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!

Dwight
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 249 in total

The Office Season 2 Quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

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