The Office Season 2 Quotes
Dwight: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
Linda: We test a lot of urine.
Dwight: Mine was green.
Linda: Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight: All better.
- Permalink: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was...
Michael: Okay, attention everyone. The drug testing has been canceled. Instead I will be going around to each of you, and doing a visual inspection.
Dwight: No, you can't do that.
Michael: I can do that, it's my office, and...
Dwight: No you cannot. It has to be official, and IT HAS TO BE URINE.
- Permalink: Okay, attention everyone. The drug testing has been canceled. In...
Dwight: Do you know what this is?
Phyllis: Yes. It's marijuana.
Dwight: How do you know that?
Phyllis: It's labeled.
- Permalink: Do you know what this is? Yes. It's marijuana. How do you kn...
And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.Dwight
- Permalink: And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's dep...
I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.Dwight
- Permalink: I like the people that I work with, generally. With four excepti...
So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate, because it turns out that Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.Jim
- Permalink: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Whic...
Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks, girl.
- Permalink: You look cute today, Dwight. Thanks, girl.
Jim: I'm just saying you can't be sure that it wasn't you.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me.
Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug. So maybe you just don't remember.
Dwight: I would remember.
Jim: How could you, if it just erased your memory?
Dwight: That's not how it works!
Jim: Now, how do you know how it works?
Dwight: Knock it off! OK, now I am interviewing you!
Jim: No, you said that I'd be conducting the interviewing when I walked in here. NOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE?
- Permalink: I'm just saying you can't be sure that it wasn't you. That's r...
Creed: That is "Northern Lights". Cannabis indica.
Dwight: [sighs] No, it's marijuana.
- Permalink: That is Northern Lights. Cannabis indica. No, it's marijuana.
Dwight: OK. I'm going to have to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan: What's the hard way?
Dwight: I go down to the police station, on my lunch break. I tell a police officer (I know several) what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way.
- Permalink: OK. I'm going to have to search your car. Give me your keys. I...
Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?
Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
Stanley: I do not think that is funny.
Pam: He does everyone in the office.
Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]
Jim and Pam: "I do not think that is funny."
- Permalink: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to h...
Dwight: It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal.
- Permalink: 23 exactly, the exact moment you emerged from your mother's vagi...
Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.Michael
- Permalink: Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want peop...
Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.Dwight
- Permalink: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. ...