Pam: Why do you need to wear the holster at all?
Dwight: Why do you need to keep wearing those boobie shirts all the time?
Angela: Thank you.

Dwight: I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior.
Jim: I promiseeeeed other people that I'd be on my worst behavior, and I gave 'em my word so...

Wow you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.


Creed: He put some snacks in the freezer for us.
Pam: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?
Creed: No, the blueberry slurpy pouch.
Phyllis: He means the ice pack.

I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life, because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin...acting manager.


Gabe: Andy do you like being alone with me right now?
Andy: No, this is horrifying.
Gabe: I don't like being alone with me either.

Are you still in love with Erin? Because I am. I need to get her back. I can't be alone anymore.


If I wanted to see a pissing contest I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.


Kelly: No, he's just a big fraud Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here basically, just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.
Deangelo: Is this true Ryan?
Ryan: I did not see Rango.

Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone!


What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport. One is a joke. I love sports. I love jokes. Room for all.


Jim: Hey you got a second?
Deangelo: Yeah, I got tons of time. This job's a joke.

The Office Season 7 Quotes

Halloween should be a day where we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.


Two eyes, two ears, a chine, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Lochness Monster, and the reward for its capture...all the riches in Scotland. So I have one question, why are you her