Mr. Duff: Why don't you kids run off and play in the bottle cap pit.
Marge: Don't cut yourselves!

These reality shows really leave you no privacy.

Marge

Relax Marge, if God lets the Jews have Sunday on a Saturday, he'll be cool with this.

Reverend Lovejoy

But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow I get to tell everyone why.

Homer

I can't believe it, but the church is going to have to ask people for money.

Marge

Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them, like email updates from LinkedIn.

Homer

Princess Kemi: So, all these concubines belong to this one tyrant?
Homer: It's called The Bachelor.

Princess Kemi: I think he is a sweet, sweet man, but when I kissed him it was not romantic, more like when Snow White kissed Dopey.
Moe: No, no, not this comparison again!

Moe: Do you mind riding a cute little scooter with your arms around my waist?
Princess Kemi: I don't!
Moe: To the scooter store!

Homer: She's gone!
Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

Sorry Marge, but I am the royal babysitter. If I start watching commoners, the tongues of the court will be a wag.

Homer

Those smart cars are cutting into our business. We used to get uber amounts of work giving people lifts.

Taxi Driver

The Simpsons Quotes

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph