The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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I don't have what it takes to play the guitar.

Homer

Oh no, King Toots is closed. Dad, you're going to have to take me to the big Fox music store.

Lisa

You call that a left testicle, Toot?

Mo

Mr. Lassen: We should team up, I can get you out of here
Sideshow Bob: A partner, intriguing, who gets to gut him like a little pot-bellied salmon?
Mr. Lassen: I assumed we'd take turns
SIdeshow Bob: No deal

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Superintendent Chalmers: According to this file from Blazing Guy's secret security, your behavior was so egregious we can do something that we've never done before - fire a teacher.
Principal Skinner: Hand in your red pen...oh, I'm not gonna pass fingernail inspection tonight.

Homer: A-camping we will go
Marge: But where I still don't know
Homer: A place that's filled with sun and sand, a desert steamed from Disneyland, keep expectations low.

Oh Marge I can't stand it when you cry at dinner. The pork chops look traumatized, the mashed potatoes can't stand to watch, even the children seem upset.

Homer

Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, your new teacher is...everybody pray!
Principal Skinner: This is a public school
Superintendent Chalmers: I said pray!

Wow its working! I guess the instructions were in English

Fry

Attention goblins, Madison Cube Garden is filled with Butterfinger bars and people are laying fingers all over them

Lisa

Bender: My ass is about to project something
Homer: You don't have to announce it, just do it quietly and blame the dog

Lisa: You know, they look a little similar
Bart: Yeah, like the guy who designed Bender just took a drawing of dad and stuck an antenna on it
Lisa: A little lazy if you ask me

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 3443 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart