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The-simpsons

I've been acting like a 10 year old the last 30 years, but I swear i'm going to grow up and act 20 like a divorced 40 year old should.

Bart

Bloody harry. he brought back beheading in a big way.

My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant like Hitler or Prince Harry. Homer

Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

I just like to dress up to eat carrots and smoke.

Homer

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

You can always go back to Michigan. They're still under Sharia law.

Lisa

Who cares what we look like in whatever stupid year this is.

Bart

I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die.

Grampa
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