Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Barney: If Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Homer: Barney, I'm not getting a sex change!

The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Dr. Nick

Moe: Now let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.
Barney: How long has it been?
Moe: Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe: Hell no.

Homer: And Lisa...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer:...that you're adopted and I don't like you..... BART!

Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.

Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The B is for Bargain!

Dr. Nick

Hibbert: I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000.
Homer: Aaarrrggh! (collapses)
Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.

Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 17 in total