The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Dad, I don't know how to say this. I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly; it handles like a shopping cart.

Bart

Martin: What is the matter with you?
Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.

Oh, I don't know if I should do that. My dad and I build our car together, and if I drove somebody else's it'd kill him! On the other hand, I'll do it!

Bart

Thank you, Bill Cosby. You've saved The Simpsons!

Homer

Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
Homer: Anything for my little girl.

Nelson: Hey, Simpson, where's your loser-mobile!
Homer: Loser mobilehehehewait a minute!
Bart: Uh, It's over there Nelson.
Nelson: Whoa, talk about your pieces of crap!

Homer: Goodbye son!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart, I think they're finally hauling your dad away!
Bart: Maybe it's for the best.

Marge: Question 2: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!

Marge: Question 1: Name one of your child's friends.
Homer: Lets see uh, Bart's friends, well there's the fat kid with the thing, uh, the little wiener who's always got his hands in his pockets!
Marge: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description!
Homer: Okay....Hank?
Marge: Hank? Hank who?
Homer: Hank....Jones!
Marge: Homer, you made that up.

Homer: Oh my god, I don't know jack about my boy! I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat.
Homer: I'm also fat!

Troy McClure: I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me
from such TV series as: Buck Henderson: Union Buster and Troy & Company's Summertime Smile Factory.

Homer: Patty! Selma! What a pleasant surprise!
Patty: Whaddya know, he's wearing pants!
Selma: I owe you a lunch!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 14 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Episode 9 Quotes

Martin: What is the matter with you?
Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.

Dad, I don't know how to say this. I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly; it handles like a shopping cart.

Bart