My wife and my worst friend. Could it be?

Homer [about Marge and Ned having an affair]

Marge: The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts
Homer: Actually, those were Carl's shirts

I'm not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month?

Ned

Rod: We thought you were gonna die.
Tod: And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned Flanders: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen.

Marge: You two are going out? I thought I told you the Flanderers were coming over for dinner.
Lisa: I'm having a tea party at Jamie's.
Bart: And I'm having a stink bomb party at the house next to Jamie's... no connection.

Bart: Stop dragging me! When i get older I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes.
Marge: Oh, that's wonderful!

Lenny: I'm gonna miss ted, he was a good supervisor
Carl: Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched out late
Homer: And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine...mmm... beer

The Simpsons Season 21 Episode 5 Quotes

Bart: Stop dragging me! When i get older I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes.
Marge: Oh, that's wonderful!

Lenny: I'm gonna miss ted, he was a good supervisor
Carl: Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched out late
Homer: And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine...mmm... beer