The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow!
(Homer plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)
Homer: Uh? Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)
Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)
Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't!
(A determined Homer repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.)
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(In "Married to the Blob," Marge and Homer cuddle in the hammock in the back yard.)
Marge: Look! A shooting star!
Homer: Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after.
(Homer turns Marge's head for a kiss and while the two make out, the meteorite sears through Marge's hair and slams into the ground.)
Marge: Whoa! That almost tore my head off.
Homer: (Whining) Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.

Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls"
(Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.)

</i> Bart

(To the tune of "Baby Got Back.")
I like big guts and I cannot lie
Double chins with the chafing thighs
When a dude walks in with the hanging jowls
My stomach starts to growl--I'm gettin' hungry
So I masticate, chomping on the overweight
I eat fat people for days
Like potato chips by Lay's
Try to eat just one, but it can't be done
I've got to eat a ton
Baby likes fat
Baby likes fat

Sir Mix-a-Lot

Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
Female Golem: They're pan-fried--
Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!

(In "Married to the Blob," Homer happens upon an Oktoberfest festival while roaming through the streets of Springfield on an eating rampage.)
Homer: (Gasps) Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.
(The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans.)
German Man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this?
(A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German.)
German Man: (Realizing) Oh, right.
(The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach.)
Homer: (Zombie-like) Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.

We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!

Mayor Quimby

Orson Welles: The devastation is incredible! They're grinding up the bodies of human beings!
Sound technician: (Uses a wisp to grind up cornflakes.)
Orson Welles: Now they're riding horses in the rain!
Sound technician: (Clacks coconut halves against a wooden board while pouring water into a tray.)
Orson Welles: Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.
Sound technician: (Holds up sign reading "Screw you" and leaves.)

Radio: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
Homer: Flanders?
Radio: Mars!

Radio: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.
Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!

Grandpa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
Grandpa: Oh, you'll see!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 22 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 4 Quotes

Kodos: Colonel Kang, report.
Kang: What a day. You said we'd be greeted as liberators.
Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. (Holds up a heart and brain)
Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.
Kodos: We had to invade! They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
Kang: Sure, they were!

Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny!
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
Carl: I still like you.
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!