The Simpsons

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The simpsons

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow!
(Homer plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)
Homer: Uh? Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)
Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)
Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't!
(A determined Homer repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.)
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(In "Married to the Blob," Marge and Homer cuddle in the hammock in the back yard.)
Marge: Look! A shooting star!
Homer: Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after.
(Homer turns Marge's head for a kiss and while the two make out, the meteorite sears through Marge's hair and slams into the ground.)
Marge: Whoa! That almost tore my head off.
Homer: (Whining) Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.

Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls"
(Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.)

</i> Bart

(To the tune of "Baby Got Back.")
I like big guts and I cannot lie
Double chins with the chafing thighs
When a dude walks in with the hanging jowls
My stomach starts to growl--I'm gettin' hungry
So I masticate, chomping on the overweight
I eat fat people for days
Like potato chips by Lay's
Try to eat just one, but it can't be done
I've got to eat a ton
Baby likes fat
Baby likes fat

Sir Mix-a-Lot

Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
Female Golem: They're pan-fried--
Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!

(In "Married to the Blob," Homer happens upon an Oktoberfest festival while roaming through the streets of Springfield on an eating rampage.)
Homer: (Gasps) Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.
(The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans.)
German Man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this?
(A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German.)
German Man: (Realizing) Oh, right.
(The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach.)
Homer: (Zombie-like) Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.

We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!

Mayor Quimby

Orson Welles: The devastation is incredible! They're grinding up the bodies of human beings!
Sound technician: (Uses a wisp to grind up cornflakes.)
Orson Welles: Now they're riding horses in the rain!
Sound technician: (Clacks coconut halves against a wooden board while pouring water into a tray.)
Orson Welles: Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.
Sound technician: (Holds up sign reading "Screw you" and leaves.)

Radio: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
Homer: Flanders?
Radio: Mars!

Radio: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.
Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!

Grandpa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
Grandpa: Oh, you'll see!

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The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 4 Quotes

Kodos: Colonel Kang, report.
Kang: What a day. You said we'd be greeted as liberators.
Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. (Holds up a heart and brain)
Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.
Kodos: We had to invade! They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
Kang: Sure, they were!

Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny!
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
Carl: I still like you.
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!

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