The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 1 Quotes
Mrs. Krabappel: Now class, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So, I want you all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door!
Mrs. Krabappel: Take your seat, Bart.
Bart: Oh, please, Mrs. Krabappel, not next to Wendell. He pukes on every bus ride. No offense, Wendell.
Mrs. Krabappel: Be that as it may, it's the only seat left, so get in there!
(Bart takes his seat next to Wendell.)
Wendell: Please try not to shake the seat like that.
Homer: You know, I defy anyone to tell the difference between these doughnuts and the ones baked today. Hey, my boy's supposed to be here any second on a field trip. They been through here yet?
Co-worker: Come on, Simpson. If they wanted the kids to see you sitting around on your butt and stuffin' your face, they'd take them on a tour of your house.
Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.
Lisa: I don't know what else to do.
Bart: There's only one thing we can do: Take advantage of the old guy. You gotta sign my report card, Dad.
Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face. I don't care who I have to fight. I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
Homer
Homer: Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed councilmen, boys and girls, retired people with nothing better to do. Danger comes in many, many forms, from the dinosaurs that tormented our cavemen ancestors, to the--
Councilman: Simpson, get to the point!
Homer: I think we should put a stop sign at "D" street and 12th. The other--
Councilman: All in favor?
Councilmen: Aye.
Councilman: Approved. Meeting adjourned. Coffee and maple logs in the lobby.
Homer: Wow. They listened to me.
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
Homer
There, there, Homer. You'll find a job. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents, and you've always bounced back.
Marge
(Mr. Burns offers Homer the new job of safety inspector)
Mr. Burns: The generous offer I'm making is good for exactly...30 seconds, Simpson.
Homer's Brain: Me, in charge of safety? This place could blow sky high. Nah. I'll concentrate on my work now. Gee, this guy's desk sure is big. I can't let Marge support the family. This guy's got the cleanest shirt I've ever seen. What should I--.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, time's up.
Homer: Mmm, what the hey. I'll take the job.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius? How does it happen?
Dr. Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment.
(Homer looks confused.)
Dr. Pryor: Although, in some cases, it's a total mystery.
Principal Skinner: Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is 'W-I-E-N-E-R', although 'E-I' is an acceptable ethnic variant.
Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts.
