The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes

Season 19 Episode 20: "All About Lisa"

Gabbo: (to the paparazzi) Get a job, you parasites!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Drew Carey: What I love about Krusty is, he's always on. But if you want to find out what he's on, you've got to test his pee.
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: A great man once observed, "90 percent of success is showing up on time." Sorry I'm four hours late.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bart: Lisa's got school, career, posture . . . why'd she have to steal Krusty from me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: (to Lisa) I'm gonna call you the goy wonder . . . 'cause I don't remember your name.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (about the "kissing Lincolns" penny) The one on the left looks into it, but the one on the right is just experimenting.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Sideshow Mel: Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Krusty: Speaking of necks, my girlfriend is a pain in mine. She crashed her car into mine and said, "Look, honey, we have a hybrid."
 • Rating: Unrated

Award Presenter: We now come to our final award, "Entertainer of the Year." An award so prestigious, that it recently won the "Award of the Year Award" at the 2007 Awardy Awards.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(After Krusty announces that he's searching for a new Krusketeer)
Bart: I am so gonna try out for that!
Milhouse: Me too! But I hope you get it.
Bart: No, I hope you get it.
Milhouse: Well, I really hope you get it.
Bart: Yeah, I hope I get it too. Later!
(Bart leaves)
Milhouse: (in awe) For a second there, he hoped I got it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Bart's having girl troubles. You'd better go talk to him.
Marge: It's clown troubles, that's your responsibility!
Homer: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and pets dying!
Marge: Yeah, well we're adding clowns.
Homer: Oh, fine! But you just bought yourself ear piercing and strange new feelings!
 • Rating: Unrated

(At an auction for a "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Homer: Five dollars!
Mr. Burns: Five hundred.
Homer: Five dollars, cash.
Host: Sir, the promise of cash is not an endorsement. The current bid is $500. Going once, going twice--
Bart: Dad!
Homer: Five hundred-one!
Mr. Burns: Ten million.
Homer: Objection, Your Honor!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Bart and Homer are looking though a large pile of coins for the "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Bart: One of these has got to be that smooching Lincoln penny. Nope. Nope. Dime. Button. Pepperoni slice.
Homer: (grabbing pepperoni slice) Wait! This is a classic 1978 Pizza Hut! (eats it) Mmm...terrible.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron Robinowitz: Krusty, I've been your agent for 37 years and I'm telling you, watch out for this Lisa Simpson character. She's got a taste for Lady Laughter, and she'll step right over a certain clown to get it.
Krusty the Clown: Which one? Chuckles? Professor Nitwit?
Ron Robinowitz: (facepalm) No, you!
Krusty the Clown: No Yu?! The Chinese Clown?
Ron Robinowitz: (laughs) That's actually really funny! But seriously, you're in big trouble here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 19 Episode 19: "Mona Leaves-a"

Moe: I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: I don't even want your pie!
Mona: But you already ate the whole thing.
Homer: Well, I'm not going to digest it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: My mother's dead.
Grampa: I'm still with you, son.
Homer: Oh, it just gets worse and worse!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
Lisa: We could ignite it with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
Lisa: I found them on her nightstand.
(Marge gives her a look)
Lisa: What?! Bart got a Swiss army knife!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Mom, I can't believe you're here. You keep disappearing and reappearing and it's not funny. You're just like that show Scrubs!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Apu, what do you think happens after you die?
Apu: Manjula will sell this store, dye her hair blonde and marry my cousin Jangelvar.
Manjula: Yes, I will!
 • Rating: Unrated

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