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The-simpsons

Lisa's got school, career, posture . . . why'd she have to steal Krusty from me?

Bart

Homer: Bart's having girl troubles. You'd better go talk to him.
Marge: It's clown troubles, that's your responsibility!
Homer: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and pets dying!
Marge: Yeah, well we're adding clowns.
Homer: Oh, fine! But you just bought yourself ear piercing and strange new feelings!

(to the paparazzi) Get a job, you parasites!

Gabbo

Ron Robinowitz: Krusty, I've been your agent for 37 years and I'm telling you, watch out for this Lisa Simpson character. She's got a taste for Lady Laughter, and she'll step right over a certain clown to get it.
Krusty the Clown: Which one? Chuckles? Professor Nitwit?
Ron Robinowitz: (facepalm) No, you!
Krusty the Clown: No Yu?! The Chinese Clown?
Ron Robinowitz: (laughs) That's actually really funny! But seriously, you're in big trouble here.

(Bart and Homer are looking though a large pile of coins for the "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Bart: One of these has got to be that smooching Lincoln penny. Nope. Nope. Dime. Button. Pepperoni slice.
Homer: (grabbing pepperoni slice) Wait! This is a classic 1978 Pizza Hut! (eats it) Mmm...terrible.

Homer: I don't even want your pie!
Mona: But you already ate the whole thing.
Homer: Well, I'm not going to digest it!

Homer: Apu, what do you think happens after you die?
Apu: Manjula will sell this store, dye her hair blonde and marry my cousin Jangelvar.
Manjula: Yes, I will!

I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.

Moe

Marge: Homer, look what I found in your mother's things.
(Marge gives Homer a DVD)
Homer: A donut from the future?

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