The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons

(about the "kissing Lincolns" penny) The one on the left looks into it, but the one on the right is just experimenting.

Homer

Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.

Sideshow Mel

Bart: (recording a voice for his stuffed hippo) Bart is awesome.
Stuffed Hippo: Bart is awesome.
Bart: This guy could put Milhouse out of business!

Carl: Yeah, you should always make peace with your loved ones.
Lenny: I think I'll give my ma a call right now. (dials cell phone) Hey Mom, I just wanted you to know that you mean... Yeah, he's here... (looks disappointed, gives phone to Carl)
Carl: Hey, Mrs. L! Those butter cookies you sent, were tasty. And the almond ones, oh! (pause) Aw, I wish I was your son, too. All right, I'm gonna pass you back... Okay, okay, I'll tell him. (closes cell phone) Uh, Moe. Lenny's mom says, she loves you.
(Lenny makes disgusted noise)

Marge: Homer, look what I found in your mother's things.
(Marge gives Homer a DVD)
Homer: A donut from the future?

Homer: My mother's dead.
Grampa: I'm still with you, son.
Homer: Oh, it just gets worse and worse!

Homer: I don't even want your pie!
Mona: But you already ate the whole thing.
Homer: Well, I'm not going to digest it!

Mona: For Marge, I leave this handbag, made of nature's finest material, hemp.
Marge: (Sniffs bag) Smells like concerts!

I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.

Moe

Marge: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
Lisa: We could ignite it with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
Lisa: I found them on her nightstand.
(Marge gives her a look)
Lisa: What?! Bart got a Swiss army knife!

Homer: Apu, what do you think happens after you die?
Apu: Manjula will sell this store, dye her hair blonde and marry my cousin Jangelvar.
Manjula: Yes, I will!

(Homer walks into a toy aisle filled with stuffed recording hippos)
Stuffed Hippo #1: (With Bart's voice) Homer has a lard butt!
Homer: What did you say?
Stuffed Hippo #2: (With Bart's voice) Homer has booger breath!
Homer: It's a medical condition!
Stuffed Hippo #3: (With Bart's voice) Homer is a big jerk!
Homer: Who told you these things about me?!
Stuffed Hippo #4: (With Bart's voice) Dung Muncher!
Stuffed Hippo #5: (With Bart's voice) Stink Brain!
Stuffed Hippo #6: (With Bart's voice) Cheese Wang!
Stuffed Hippo #7: (With Bart's voice) Captain Crud!
Homer: (Angrily) I don't want to get mad, but I will!
(Bart's insulting recordings on the stuffed hippos begin to overlap)
Homer: Oh, that's it!
(Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are at the register counter)
Lisa: Uh, Mom, we've got a Code Four!
(Homer is seen ripping, tearing, and biting apart the still insulting hippos as Bart is laughing uproariously. Homer then grabs a stuffed unicorn and uses its horn to jab the hippos to stop the recordings)
Homer: It didn't have to go down like this!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 194 in total

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes

Why do I need another penny? I have billions. Still, if I don't take it, that hoodlum over there might.

Mr. Burns

Homer: One small coffee, please. And a bunch of those placemats with the mazes on them.
Pimple-Faced Kid: They're all the same maze.
Homer: Somebody's gotta do 'em.

× Close Ad