The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 19 Quotes
Cletus: We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her "Mary." We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed In Jail?
Stabbed In Jail: (whittling a stick) We'll see who stabs who.
(to Lou) I don't care how much of a pumped-up freak you are. I still love you. The way Barry Bonds' kids probably still love him.
Bart
Bart: (to Mary) I didn't know Cletus was your dad!
Cletus: She had a regular city birth, in a gas station.
Sorry, Lise. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.
Bart
Mom, they're gonna kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys!
Bart
(Homer is in the slaughterhouse.)
Female PA voice: You are now entering the Killing Zone.
Homer: Hey, that sounds like Tress MacNeille!
Lurleen? My goodness! You're the spitting image of your mother's hotter sister!
Royce Lumpkin
(to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.
Marge
(Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)
Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?
Royce: That's right.
Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?
Royce: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?
Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!
Royce: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)
Marge: She needs to see you right away!
Royce: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass)
Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!
Radio DJ
(about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?
Marge
Dad was Colonel Homer and he wore that awesome suit and Lurleen wanted to bunk his brains out! But I forget how Mom felt about it.
Bart
(Marge grinds her teeth angrily)
