The Simpsons

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Cletus: We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her "Mary." We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed In Jail?
Stabbed In Jail: (whittling a stick) We'll see who stabs who.

(Homer is in the slaughterhouse.)
Female PA voice: You are now entering the Killing Zone.
Homer: Hey, that sounds like Tress MacNeille!

Bart: (to Mary) I didn't know Cletus was your dad!
Cletus: She had a regular city birth, in a gas station.

Sorry, Lise. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.

Bart

Mom, they're gonna kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys!

Bart

(Bart introduces himself to Mary.)
Bart: I'm Bart. This is my calf, Lulubelle.
Mary: Uh, you know that's a boy, right?
Bart: Oh, I thought she was peein' out of her nipple.

Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!

Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
Grampa: It's night?
Homer: That's it, pull over!

(to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.

Marge

(about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?

Marge

(Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)
Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?
Royce: That's right.
Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?
Royce: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?
Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!
Royce: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)
Marge: She needs to see you right away!
Royce: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass)

Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!

Radio DJ
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 194 in total

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes

Why do I need another penny? I have billions. Still, if I don't take it, that hoodlum over there might.

Mr. Burns

Homer: One small coffee, please. And a bunch of those placemats with the mazes on them.
Pimple-Faced Kid: They're all the same maze.
Homer: Somebody's gotta do 'em.

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