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Berta: Boy, take one day off for a poker tournament, you miss a whole lot around here.
Charlie: You said you were sick.
Berta: I was healed, it's a miracle!

Rose: This is a side of Alan Harper I've never seen before -- forceful, confident
Alan: Oh, thank you
Rose: I don't like it

Alan: We need to talk about boundaries
Rose: It was just my pinky, Alan
Alan: No, that was fun

Waiter: ..and for you sir?
Alan: Whiskey, neat
Charlie: Since when did you drink hard liquor?
Alan: Since right now. I'd order crack if it was on the menu
Waiter: True dat

Chelsea [about Rose]: Fun personality right?
Alan: Unfortunately she six more of them

Alan [getting ready for double date]: How do I look?
Charlie: Don't open that can of worms, you are what you are

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