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Evelyn: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine with them.
Alan: Naomi's not the help.
Evelyn: Oh, forgive me. She's the maid's round-heeled daughter. I mean, I'd expect this from Charlie. He'd hump a grilled cheese sandwich.
Charlie: Thanks, Mom
- Permalink: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine wit...
Berta: I made all your favorites: scrambled egg whites; turkey bacon; rye toast, no butter; decaf coffee.
Alan: Well, thank you.
Berta: You eat like a 90-year-old man with stomach cancer, but I don't judge
- Permalink: Scrambled egg whites; turkey bacon; rye toast, no butter; decaf ...
Jake: Can I get my ear pierced?
Jake: Why not?
Charlie: You can't keep the holes you have clean
- Permalink: Can I get my ear pierced? No. Why not? You can't keep the ...
Charlie: Berta's in my bed.
Alan: Really? Couldn't you just pay her in cash this week?
- Permalink: Berta's in my bed. Really? Couldn't you just pay her in cash t...
Berta: Well, you let me know if you need anything.
Alan: I will.
Berta: Ironing, groceries, I could lance that ear for you.
Alan: No, thanks.
Berta: I know what I'm doing. I spent a summer castrating sheep in Montana
- Permalink: Well, you let me know if you need anything. I will. Ironing,...
Evelyn: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should stop and get a box of wine or some aerosol cheese.
Charlie: Whoa! Mom, you're on fire tonight!
Evelyn: It's the new meds. They mix well with liquor.
Alan: This was a bad idea.
Evelyn: Charlie, didn't you tell him that's the gay ear?
- Permalink: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should st...