Two and a Half Men

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Two and a half men
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Charlie: If Chelsea were your fiancee, you'd have bigger problems.
Alan: Like what?
Charlie: Being the last man on Earth.

Alan: That guy is everything you're not.
Charlie: What's that mean?
Alan: He likes people, he loves his mother, works with children, and he doesn't tumble through life stinking of whsikey and KY jelly.
Charlie: Hey, KY jelly is odorless.
Alan: Not where you put it.

Nobody wants to go to jail sweetie, but let's face it, if all we're talking about is sixty days alone in a room with no friends, how's that different from two months squatting in your brother's house?

Evelyn

Evelyn: Now before we waste money on some expensive lawyer, how much jail time are talking about if you just roll over.
Alan: I don't want to go to jail.
Charlie: And if he does, he's certainly going to want to roll over.
Evelyn: Charles, that was crude and uncalled for.

Alan: Ten hours! Ten hours I sat in that urine-soaked jail cell.
Charlie: You shouldn't have peed yourself.

Louanne: So have you done the internet dating thing before?
Alan: All the time and if you're interested I know a couple tricks to weed out the losers.
Louanne: I'm very interested.

Displaying all 6 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 14 Quotes

Alan: Ten hours! Ten hours I sat in that urine-soaked jail cell.
Charlie: You shouldn't have peed yourself.

Louanne: So have you done the internet dating thing before?
Alan: All the time and if you're interested I know a couple tricks to weed out the losers.
Louanne: I'm very interested.

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