Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men "Give Me Your Thumb" Quotes

Charlie: What about your back pain?
Chelsea: I'll live with it.
Charlie: Are you sure?
Chelsea: I live with you, don't I?
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn [to Alan]: I want to see you happy, and not dressed like an unemployed lesbian
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Alan [after pouring M&M's into Jake's brown bag]: Breakfast of champions, Type 2 diabetes division
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: I love my new silk pajamas mom, they're like wearing a baby seal
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chelsea: They're not our boobs, they're my breasts
Charlie: If you were to dust them for prints right now, who would be suspect number one?
 • Rating: Unrated

Evelyn [to Alan]: You suggested Charlie's fiancee get small breasts? Why not reinstate prohibition while you're at it?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie [to Alan]: Let's make one thing clear, the only acceptable boob reduction in this house is you moving out
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: I'll tell you what helps pain, pain pills. In fact, I saw a guy on the news with a nail in his head and thanks to pain pills he was laughing
Alan: What about addiction?
Charlie: That's the least of his problem, he has a nail in his head!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chelsea: You're staring at them, Alan
Alan: It's okay, I'm almost a doctor
 • Rating: Unrated

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