Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Charlie: Okay, Mom, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
Evelyn: Charlie, the wedding is not for six months.
Charlie: Yeah, but it's bad luck to see the bride beforehand.

Charlie: I thought you told me to stay away from her?
Teddy: I was just trying to protect you.

Teddy: Thanks for coming, fellas. Means a lot to me.
Alan: Wouldn't miss it. We wish you a lifetime of love and happiness. Right, Charlie?
Charlie: Well, yeah, but he seems hell-bent on marrying mom.

Charlie: So, where do they put the engine in these things?
Courtney: Where it belongs... in the rear.

Berta: Is your brother still in bed with his sister?
Alan: Step-sister... to be... and yes.

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