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I think God gives us children so that death won't come as such a disappointment


Jake: Why was it stupid?
Alan: Because he had sex with someone he doesn't love.
Charlie: No, no, because I had sex with someone who knows how to disable the alarm system

Charlie: I never told you about half the stuff Rose pulled around here.
Alan: Why not?
Charlie: Cause we needed a babysitter and I didn't want you to get spooked

Charlie: Rose was in my bedroom because she was tired.
Jake: Uncle Charlie, I'm an underachiever, not an idiot

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