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Jerome: So how do you know Charlie and Alan?
Herb: I married Alan's ex-wife
Jerome: No kidding.. and you two hang out?
Herb and Aln: yeah, sure
Jerome: Wow, I couldn't be friends with the man that's putting it to my ex
Herb: Well to be fair that hasn't been a lot of putting lately
Alan: ...and after the baby there'll be even less
Herb: How's that possible?
Alan: Not only will she not let you touch her, but she'll interrupt you when you're touching yourself
- Permalink: So how do you know Charlie and Alan? I married Alan's ex-wife ...
Alan: I'm gonna go pick up Jake at his mothers
Charlie: Oh good. Just what we need to brighten up our weekend. A large, sullen teenager with gas and questionable hygiene
Alan: There's nothing questionable about it
- Permalink: I'm gonna go pick up Jake at his mothers Oh good. Just what w...
Alan [about Chelsea]: So you're just going to sit here and wait till she comes crawling over?
Charlie: Yes I am...and then since hell has long since frozen over, we can go ice skating
- Permalink: So you're just going to sit here and wait till she comes crawlin...
Charlie: Sure you don't want a drink?
Alan: Nah, when I'm depressed alcohol just makes me feel worse
Charlie: Yeah, same. The trick is to drink past that. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon
- Permalink: Sure you don't want a drink? Nah, when I'm depressed alcohol j...
Chelsea: Do you want to explain to me why this woman is sending naked pictures of herself?
Charlie: I'd love to explain it
Chelse: ... go ahead
Charlie: I said I'd love to, I didn't say I could
- Permalink: Do you want to explain to me why this woman is sending naked pic...