Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Hey, if girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with only one leg work at? ... IHOP

Jake

Alan: Looks like you had a tough night.
Charlie: No, the night was great. It's the morning that's killing me!

Charlie: OK, well, good luck with the tour!
Steven Tyler: Thanks a lot, man.
Charlie: Who's the sponsor, Metamucil?
Steven Tyler: What was that?
Charlie: Nothing, nothing.

Charlie: Let me tell you something about feelings. Feelings are like your mother's breasts. You know where they are, but they're best left unfelt.
Rose: It's an interesting analogy, but may I point out that a mother's breasts are a source for nourishment and comfort?
Charlie: Yeah, well, my mother's breasts were a source of silicone and Russian vodka

Jake: Hey, Berta, do you wanna see my armpit hair?
Berta: Only if you want to see mine

Alan: Um, I just want to say, I'm a huge fan. I lost my virginity to you.
Steven Tyler: Really? Well ya know, there's a lot of the seventies I don't remember

Alan: You misspelled Vicodin.
Charlie: That's the great thing about Vicodin.. I don't care

I don't have to face anything I don't want to face, and I don't have to feel anything I don't want to feel, and that includes Mom's vodka knockers

Charlie

Rose: How cool is it that Steven Tyler moved in next door? I lost my virginity to him.
Charlie: You mean his music.
Rose: No

Charlie: Can you lay off the harmonica playing?
Steven Tyler: Hey, a lot of people pay to see me play harmonica!
Charlie: They pay to hear you sing; they tolerate the harmonica!

Displaying all 10 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 2 Quotes

Rose: How cool is it that Steven Tyler moved in next door? I lost my virginity to him.
Charlie: You mean his music.
Rose: No

Charlie: Can you lay off the harmonica playing?
Steven Tyler: Hey, a lot of people pay to see me play harmonica!
Charlie: They pay to hear you sing; they tolerate the harmonica!