Dr. Venture: Oh, if that suit could talk.
Hank: It would say "Kill me, I am a hideous monster."

Dr. Orpheus: changing the terms of my child support.
The Alchemist: Remember when your wife use to screw you without paperwork.

Al, quit eyeballing the Nancy, we are on a case.

Hank

Hank: Not the hat.
Nikki: Why is that you're lucky hat?
Hank: I don't know yet, ask me in the morning.

What was it like? Like naked skydiving into a mountain of warm whip cream.

Hank

Sgt. Hatred: Don't you think we should let your old men go?
Hank: Soon, I'm still waiting for his random checks to clear.

He's what is best in all henchmen... a hero with a number.

Original Captain Sunshine

Cavity search my ass. You know what I mean.

Hunters Gathers

Hunters Gathers: Her tits were like "coming home from school and finding out your old man ran over your cat" sad.
Brock Samson: Mournful tits. She has mournful tits. They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra.

You can't collect scientists and not have a Rusty Venture on your mantel.

Dr. Venture

All of you have been assigned nicknames, while I have not, because I am special! All of you are in peculiar underpants, while I am not, because I am special!

General Treister

Shore Leave: Boys night out? I wish. You guys are going to that strip club again.
Hunters Gathers: You make that wholesome place sound dirty.

Venture Bros. Quotes

Brock: Someone is in my car!
Hank: Now that's a super power. He can do that from 10 states away.

Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!

The Monarch