Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Episode Details

Charlie's life is turned upside down when his brother, Alan, and nephew, Jake, move in with him into his Malibu Beach house.


Rating: 4.3 / 5.0 (3 Votes)
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1

Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?
Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.
Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass."
Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch

Woman [to Charlie about Jake]: You guys are really great together.
Charlie: Thanks.
Woman: Your wife must be proud.
Charlie: Oh, no, I'm not married.
Woman: Too bad.
Charlie: Wow, you're even better than a dog