Watch Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 3 online via TV Fanatic with over 5 options to watch the Two and a Half Men S5E3 full episode. Affiliates with free and paid streaming include Amazon, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube Purchase, and Google Play.

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Episode Details

Alan convinces Charlie to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. Charlie and Alan go on a double date but find out the waitress is an ex of Charlie's.

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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 3 Quotes

Berta: What's this broad got that's so special?
Charlie: A brain.
Berta: What are you going to do with a brain?
Charlie: It doesn't matter, she'll never call me.
Berta: Awww! Don't talk like that. Just because she's smart and successful doesn't mean she's not damaged enough to go out with you.

Linda: Please, tell me you did not get yourself arrested just so you can see me?
Charlie: Ummm! You got me.
Linda: Charlie, what am I going to do with you?
Charlie: Have dinner with me? Otherwise, we're looking at a crime spree here.
Linda: Alright, one dinner. Now, step back.
Charlie: (whispering) Yes, ma'am.
Linda: How do you plead?
Charlie: Guilty, your Honor.
Linda: Is this your first offense?
Charlie: Yes, your Honor.
Linda: Alright, $500.
Charlie: $500? Last time....
Linda: "Last time?"
Charlie: Thank you, your Honor.