EJ wasn't kidding. Dimitri and Gwen's hasty marriage will likely end up in a courtroom sooner rather than later.

A drunk Leo accidentally told Tripp about his affair, while Dimitri fantasized about him while having birthday sex with his new bride.

Please tell us that Gwen showing up at Leo's door at the end of Days of Our Lives during the week of 7-31-23 means this story is almost over!

We should be so lucky. This annoying story is just beginning.

Leo and Dimitri have had several close encounters and have gotten out of them by outwitting suspicious people (which isn't hard since everyone seems to have turned stupid.)

Disaster was averted at the double wedding, only for Leo and Dimitri to have a whispered conversation about their affair in the foyer, where anyone could walk in.

First Nicole, then Gwen, intruded, forcing Leo to announce that he was advising Dimitri to take Gwen to Iceland for their honeymoon -- something which Dimitri seemed less than thrilled about.

Later, he was able to goose Leo when Gwen wasn't looking, and then he fantasized about being able to marry him instead of Gwen.

We get it -- Dimitri prefers Leo to Gwen. This story would have made sense if we had any indication of it before Dimitri kissing Leo. Instead, they went from hate to love so rapidly that I got whiplash, and now Dimitri is "stuck" in his relationship with Gwen when he can't keep his mind (or his hands) off Leo.

This relationship feels like it came out of nowhere, and that's a problem. It made it seem like Dimitri was only seducing Leo to get him to shut up about the inheritance agreement, then in the blink of an eye, Leo is the love of Dimitri's life, and he's never been attracted to women, ever.

Late-in-life coming-out stories are golden when they're written realistically (I still wish we had gotten more of Craig's on-screen!), but this one has the same rushed quality as the wedding.

There are some serious undertones here: Dimitri's being forced to be closeted and Leo's guilt about betraying his best friend. But the story is mostly being played for laughs.

Greg Rikaart has impeccable comedic timing, and Leo's lines often have me doubled over laughing. Still, this story is too serious to work as comic relief and is being played too goofily to take seriously.

Gwen's heartbreak might be meaty material once she learns the truth, but could we have fewer magic penis jokes and ridiculous cliches in the meantime?

And why do Leo and Dimitri insist on doing this in a way that will almost certainly get them caught? First, they had sex in that hotel room while Gwen had only stepped out for a few minutes, then they had a whispered conversation in a part of the mansion that was only slightly less trafficky than the Horton Town Square.

And now they're having it again while Gwen is outside the door. Granted, she doesn't live there anymore, but it didn't occur to Leo or Dimitri that she would want to check on her supposedly depressed BFF before leaving town for her honeymoon. Come on!

However, Wendy telling the story of what went wrong on her date with Tripp through flashbacks was clever. Instead of shoving major events off-screen or giving us flashbacks of something that happened five minutes ago, Wendy told viewers the story along with her brother.

The constant interruptions stop Wendy and Tripp from being the latest contestants in the race to the bedroom, so there's that, too, even though Tripp and Leo's bizarre conversation about Leo's drunken confession was silly.

Leo: Don't be ridiculous. I would never sleep with my best friend's fiancee.
Tripp: But you said -
Leo: It was wishful thinking. I've always had a secret crush on Dimitri, and in my mind, he sort of became my boyfriend. Like in college, how Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Ryan Phillpe were my boyfriends. Surely you've had someone like that, I mean a gorgeous actress that you wish you fantasized about day and night?
Tripp: Emma Watson.
Leo: Ah, yes, excellent choice!
Tripp: Big Harry Potter fan before the whole controversy.

• Permalink: Big Harry Potter fan before the whole controversy.

Tripp and Leo rarely share scenes, so it's hard to imagine who Tripp might tell about this. He seemed protective of Gwen, but has he ever spent any time with his cousin before now?

I'd rather Tripp get involved in the Sloan/Eric/Nicole/EJ mess. Since he works at the hospital, discovering the real DNA results would be a logical step.

Melinda Trask is doing a fine job of interfering, though. Her pop-up friendship with Sloan adds a new dimension to her usually one-note character, and she's the last person Sloan needs to know what she did.

There's no telling what Melinda will do with this information.

She relishes putting people away and pretends she wants justice, but more or less only wants to stack up more wins in the courtroom. But will she be so ruthless with the only person interested in her friendship?

She's also trying to clean up her reputation with Li, who she's genuinely interested in despite her attempt to coerce a confession from him on their first date, so she may be hesitant to do anything shady or rely on Sloan's help with her love life.

Still, there's little point in Melinda learning this secret if she keeps it to herself forever, and Eric's walked in on a strange-sounding conversation.

He's already suspicious of how those test results ended up in Sloan's hands, and he doesn't think Sloan and Melinda have more than begrudging respect for one another, but will Sloan again manipulate him out of using his brain?

Eric's about to propose, and Days of Our Lives loves the disastrous wedding trope. So it's likely the reveal'll wait til the bride is at least halfway down the aisle!

This is a typical Days of Our Lives story, but these DNA switches are so frequent that nobody should trust results they get from this hospital!

Even more infuriating, Nicole is a former investigative reporter with super sharp instincts, so there's no reason for her to take any of Sloan's super blatant lies at face value.

It's annoying when characters suddenly become idiots to make the story work, and they've done it to Nicole more than once. Stop it already!

And how did Sloan change DNA results on a printed form with a pen without anyone noticing? Come on!

Elsewhere, yet another unrealistic court hearing gave full custody to Kristen. This one made no sense even by Days of Our Lives standards.

Are we supposed to believe that Kristen, whose chances of ever getting custody were so far south of zero that she couldn't get a lawyer to take her case, suddenly won the judge's sympathy after Brady demanded she produce the child she was hiding from him?

And that she didn't even need a lawyer to represent her to get the result she wanted?

Brady's behavior was reckless, so I can understand that giving a judge pause, but Kristen's record is so much worse that one misstep -- even a huge one like this -- shouldn't have made a difference.

In addition, a seven-year-old declaring she wants to be with Mommy doesn't make it in her best interest to live with her mother.

Many jurisdictions do not consider young children's wishes during custody hearings, and the fact that the child engages in anti-social behavior to be with her mother should be a clue something is wrong.

A better solution would have been for the judge to remove Rachel from both her parents' care since neither of them is taking proper care of her at this point and have both hidden her from the other to get what they want.

Instead, the judge gave Kristen permission to continue poisoning Rachel's mind because "a child should be with her mother." What century is this?

Brady should appeal this ruling, but that never happens in Salem. Instead, Rachel will probably live with Kristen until Kristen gets arrested for the 90th time.

The only silver lining here is how funny it would be if Rachel demands to see Brady and throws the same tantrums with Kristen she did with Brady when he had full custody.

Elsewhere, Abe finally came home, but Paulina's inability to be patient with his memory loss made him too uncomfortable to stay with her.

Abe: When you were in the other room, I called Steve and asked him to come over.
Paulina: Oh. Okay. Well please, come in. Are you hungry? I've got enough food here to feed the entire town.
Steve: No thanks. But Abe, I'd love to know why you wanted to see me. What can I do for you, buddy?
Abe: When you came by my hospital room earlier with, uh... Jim? Jim, was it?
Steve: John.
Abe: John. John Black. You said call if I needed anything.
Steve: Absolutely.
Abe: Well, what I need is a place to stay.
Paulina: What?
Abe: I'm so sorry. I'm just not comfortable here.

• Permalink: I'm so sorry. I'm just not comfortable here.

I felt terrible for Paulina. She was so eager to resume her life with Abe, but it's not in her genetic makeup to be patient. Her determination has led to her business success, but she can't argue amnesia into disappearing, and her refusal to accept that drove him to move out.

I'm curious how this new living arrangement will work out and whether Steve and Kayla will encourage Abe to reconcile with Paulina or try to get her to move slower so that he's willing to accept her in his life again.

Kayla was worried something like this might happen, and Marlena tried to encourage Paulina to be patient, so hopefully, one of these two can help rectify this situation.

Marlena was busy after Abe was discharged; she had to help Harris settle in at Bayview, where he immediately ran into Eve Donovan, who he hadn't seen since high school.

Harris and Eve [simultaneously]: What are you doing here?
Eve: I'll go first. It's a convoluted story, but the short version is, I let vengeance consume me to the point where I lost all reason. And I could have gone to prison, but they deemed me criminally insane, so I am here. Your turn.
Harris: Well, let's see. On more than one occasion, Stefano Dimera's daughter Megan Hathaway brainwashed me to kill innocent people.
Eve: Gotta love Salem.
Harris: Yeah. I guess this is not where either one of us expected to be after graduating Salem High, huh?

• Permalink: Yeah. I guess this is not where either one of us expected to be after graduating Salem High,...

These scenes were a great nod to history. I've wanted Harris to reconnect with Eve since he returned to Salem. But since this was a one-shot for Eve (unless there's more coming up in the distant future!), there didn't seem to be much of a point.

Harris and Eve reconnecting and trying to have a relationship that their doctors disapproved of would have been interesting!

They've both lived a lot of life since they last saw each other, and this would have been a far more compelling second-chance romance than the constant attempts at putting Nicole and Eric back together.

But as it is, I'm stumped as to how this will affect Harris' future story. Eve's going to California, and Harris is still in  Bayview.

It was cute when Eve's statement that she refused to forgive Ben was juxtaposed with Alex and Chad arguing.

This storyline has become obnoxious. Chad's got every right to be frustrated that Alex keeps showing up uninvited, but his rant about it bordered on paranoia and was so loud that I can't believe Stephanie and the kids didn't hear any of it.

Afterward, he became two-faced, inviting Alex to dinner to test whether Alex would leave him and Stephanie alone and pretending to Stephanie that he had empathy for the guy's loneliness.

Meanwhile, Stephanie agrees that Alex should stop violating their boundaries and has told him so before, yet lets him in whenever he knocks on the door.

This is not entertaining. It needs to stop ASAP.

Your turn, Days of Our Lives fanatics. Hit the big, blue SHOW COMMENTS button and tell us what you think of this week's episodes!

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Days of Our Lives streams exclusively on Peacock. New episodes drop on weekday mornings at 6/5c.

Jack Ori is a senior staff writer for TV Fanatic. His debut young adult novel, Reinventing Hannah, is available on Amazon. Follow him on X.