Quagmire's New Gig - Family Guy

Quagmire's New Gig - Family Guy

Quagmire must find a new line of work when airline pilots go on strike on Family Guy.
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Quagmire's Assistant - Family Guy

Quagmire's Assistant - Family Guy

Chris becomes Quagmire's assistant on the season premiere of Family Guy. "The Boys in the Band" is the first episode of the show's 15th season.
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Declaring His Love - Family Guy

Declaring His Love - Family Guy

Peter is furious when Quagmire declares his love for Lois on Family Guy. "Hot Pocket Dial" is the seventh episode of the show's 14th season.
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Evil Soap - Family Guy

Evil Soap - Family Guy

An evil bar of soap comes to haunt Peter and his friends on Family Guy. "Peternormal Activity"is fifth episode of the season.
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Road Trip - Family Guy

Road Trip - Family Guy

Joe decides to take Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland on a road trip to Niagara Falls on Family Guy. "JOLO"
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Mom Arrives - Family Guy

Mom Arrives - Family Guy

Glenn's mom arrives to help him with his legal troubles on Family Guy. "Quagmire's Mom" is the tenth episode of the show's 13th season.
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Brian's New Career - Family Guy

Brian's New Career - Family Guy

Brian's cosmetic surgery leads him down a new career path on Family Guy. "Brian the Closer" is the fourth episode of the show's 13th season.
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The Musical Duo

The Musical Duo

Peter and Quagmire become a successful musical duo on Family Guy. "
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Tracking Down Joe's Shooter

Tracking Down Joe's Shooter

Peter and Quagmire help Joe track down his shooter on Family Guy. "Joe's Revenge" is the fifth episode of the show's 11th season.
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Family Guy Goes British

Family Guy Goes British

The Family Guy goes British in this season 10 episode of the sitcom.
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Peter, Quagmire and Mort

Peter, Quagmire and Mort

Can you give a fella a hand? Mort goes to Peter and Quagmire here for financial assistance.
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A Freaky Date

A Freaky Date

Best of luck here, Meg. With this character now 18 years old, Quagmire is ready to make his move.
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Family Guy Quotes

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)