Popular Alan Harper Quotes
Alan: She just wants to take advantage of Walden.
Berta: You do hear yourself talk, right?
Alan: Yes, I am a mooch, but I am not dangerous.
Alan: This time, you invited the vampire into the house.
Walden: In my defense, the vampire was naked at the time.
Jake: I cannot imagine being with anyone else.
Alan: I know that feeling, you fall head over heels, and then suddenly you find yourself in a loveless marriage with a soul-sucking shrew.
Jake: You realize you are talking about my mother?
Jake: I am 18 and in the army, you can tell me what to do.
Alan: You are using the excuse that you are in the army not to go back to the army.
Just for the record, he gets paid to go down there. I do it for the love of the game.
Alan: Lyndsey has been pushing me to make a commitment because some other guy asked her out.
Walden: Who asked her out?
Alan: Her gynecologist.
Walden: At least he knows what he is getting into.
Alan: The only thing I got from the truck driver was a pack of cigarettes and an eyebrow pencil.
Walden: I gotta tell you, it is nice to be taken care of once for a change, but look who I am talking to.
Alan: My ex-wife tried to seduce me.
Lyndsey: Judith flirted with you?
Alan: Oh God no!!
Lyndsey: The beautiful one?
Berta: There are better things I am more interested in than my birthday...
Alan: You would not believe what happened to me today!!!
Berta: I stand corrected.
Come on Sam, time is money and you are out of both.
How long do you think you can keep up this Prince and Pauper charade...?
Godspeed, Sam Wilson.
