Popular Alan Harper Quotes
Walden: You will be surprised what happens to a guy when money is tight.
Alan: Please, I have been so desperate, I have climbed into fountains at night and stolen the wishes of little children.
Walden: So you get it.
Kate: This whole time, I thought he was the douche, but turns out, you are the douche.
Alan: Unbelievable! She likes me.
Britte: Alan, the big billionaire has a jet.
Alan: It slipped out when they were running away from me.
Walden: All this is making uncomfortable, I feel puking.
Alan: Well, you are in the rig.
Alan: It is time for dinner, we are eating gnocchi, Jake is cooking things he can spell
.
Walden: What's for dessert? Cake?

Alan: Pie.
Lynsdey: How are you doing?
Alan: I am high, humiliated and hairless.
Hi, I want to book your Presidential suite. How much? Mm-hmm, okay. Do you have a Secretary of Agriculture suite?
Alan: You know what the problem is? Walden does not appreciate anything I bring to the party.
Lyndsey: I have never seen you bring anything to a party, except a Ziploc bag to steal the shrimp.
Walden: That was the most pain I have experienced in a long time.

Alan:Â Says the only one in this room that was not married to Judith.
Walden: This house is a mess. I think I should just cut my losses and sell it.

Alan: Don't even joke like that.
Walden: Hey, what are you doing..?
Alan: Just going down memory lane. This is a photo book Lyndsey gave me, oh look, here we are at the Santa Monica pier, "Oh Alan, I am having such a great time, I know it looks like I am only eating cotton candy, but really, I am just waiting for someone better to come along, so I can just dump your sorry ass"
Alan: I appreciate the pep talk, but I have lost all hope.
Walden: Well, I can't give you hope, but I can give you my American Express black card.
Alan: Hope is for losers.
