Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

I'm a bigger scumbag than Spock.

Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.

Stewie

The good news is that now he can go back to being a regular kid.

You're giving your baby drugs to improve his acting career?

I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't colorblind.

I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are writte on white paper.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

Family Guy Quotes

Oh, Lois just texted. Burgers or meatballs for dinner? I'll text back for you. Same things, bitch, just different shapes.

Stewie [to Peter]

Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
Brian: Okay.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)