Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes
Angela: It's really happening!
Dwight: Yes.
Angela: We can make a difference here.
Dwight: I will make a difference here.
Angela: You? Alone? 'Cause I thought together we could ...
Dwight: Oh, please, don't be naive. But you could be in charge of the women.
Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
Dwight: I don't believe you. Continue.
Dwight: He used to fight dogs.
Pam: Like he used to make dogs fight or he actually fought dogs?
Dwight: Little of this, little of that.
Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.
Oscar went to Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to an United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule.
Dwight
Michael: So, you are all going to have a drug test. And I am not.
Dwight: No, you will be tested.
Michael: Yes, I will not be.
Dwight: No, you will be. That is the law, according to the rules.
Michael: OK, well, Dwight, just know that I've been very busy today, and I've got a lot of work to do, and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything's going to come out.
Dwight: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
Linda: We test a lot of urine.
Dwight: Mine was green.
Linda: Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight: All better.
Michael: Okay, attention everyone. The drug testing has been canceled. Instead I will be going around to each of you, and doing a visual inspection.
Dwight: No, you can't do that.
Michael: I can do that, it's my office, and...
Dwight: No you cannot. It has to be official, and IT HAS TO BE URINE.
Dwight: Do you know what this is?
Phyllis: Yes. It's marijuana.
Dwight: How do you know that?
Phyllis: It's labeled.
Dwight: Dammit.
I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.
Dwight
