If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!

He says I make him nervous, that I care too much. That's why I not even allowed to bring him to his haircuts anymore.

This is not my first language. I don't understand English very goodly.

Jay: Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens, that's my plan anyway.
Gloria: Woof.

I know a lot of people think I'm attracted to Jay because of his mind. But they're wrong. I'm attracted to him because he's sexy.

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Claire: Wow pretty cozy with the new housekeeper huh?
Gloria: She's my sister.
Claire: Wow pretty weird with your sister!

In my village if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a druglord

I am very angry at you and I'm going to make a list of all the things I'm going to scream at you as soon as this baby's out of me.

I have two brains in my body but I've never felt so dumb.

Gloria: The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
Cam: You can be both. My senior year I was a right side linebacker and a left side cancan dancer in Gigi.

Claire listen to me. Take a lot of cash and when you flash it at the police, do not speak about it. Their eyes do all the talking, okay?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire