Bart: Dad, are you gonna snitch on me?
Homer: Moes before bros.

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Lisa: Remember when Apu let dad have the expired hot dog?
Homer: Just once and I'm still taking medication for it.

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Marge: What are we going to do?
Homer: It's not so bad sweety, I took a box of Altoids from her waiting room. The most anyone has ever gotten out of therapy.

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Homer: Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.
Moe: Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

• Permalink: Father of the year, pal, father of the year.
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Dad I apologize. I only say this at gunpoint, but it's true. I love you.

• Permalink: Dad I apologize. I only say this at gunpoint, but it's true. I love you.
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Homer: No no honey, I love everything you force me to do. And sometimes if you do all that, you get a very special night.
Bart: And what does that get you?
Homer: Hopefully not a you.

• Permalink: Hopefully not a you.
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