South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
Kyle: The next time Shelly is going to hit you tell her: "Shelly, you're my sister and I love you."
Kenny: And I want to take off your bra.
Stan: Sick dude! She's my sister.
Kyle: Try it!
Dr. Mephisto: Have you you kids seen anything unusual lately?
Kyle: We just saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
Dr. Mephisto: No, I said unusual.
Cartman: If a girl pulled that with me I'd be like: "Yo! Why don't you start dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go smoke crack and have sex with some guy in my dad's bed"!
Kyle: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying Stan's a wuss is all.
Ms. Crabtree [about the elephant]: Excuse me, but what is that?
Kyle: That's the new retarded kid.
Ms. Crabtree: Sorry, little girl, but you still can't get on. You'll have to take the special ed bus.
Stan: What is that?
Kyle: That's my new pet elephant. He was supposed to come in from Africa in 46 weeks, but it only took 3 weeks.
Stan: That's cool!
Kyle: No it's not! My mom doesn't let him in because his poop is bigger than the couch.
Cartman: My mom got me a pot-bellied pig, because its poop is small.
Cartman: Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?
Kyle: There aren't any Jews in San Fransisco, retard!
Stan: Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
Jimbo: What?!
Ned: Oh yeah that's right I don't think 8 year olds drink beer.
Kyle: I like chocolate milk.
Jimbo: Well, we'll be doin' plenty of drinkin' on this hunting trip. After all, hunting sober is like... fishing... sober.
Stan: My uncle Jimbo says after this he's gonna take me hunting in Africa!
Kyle: Wow! That'd be cool.
Cartman: My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
Cartman: (in his Scuzzlebutt costume) I am Scuzzlebutt! Lord of the Mountains! Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!
Ned: What is it?
Kyle: Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman WASN'T lying!
Jimbo: Holy smoke! We can make a mint killing this thing!
Ned: We'll be on the cover of "Guns and Ammo".
Jimbo: This calls for some HJ-14...
Cartman: (chuckles) Those guys are totally scared...
Jimbo: Fire in the hole! (fires two missiles)
Cartman: Holy crap! (dodges the two missiles)
Jimbo: Damn it! I think I missed!
Cartman: What the hell is wrong with you people?! (runs away)
Jimbo: Come on, let's move! Move!
Kyle: Dude I don't understand hunting at all.
Stan: Yeah, it's stupid, let's go watch cartoons.
Cartman: Ya! Cartoons kick ass.
Cartman: Hey, you guys. I know a scary story.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman. You can't scare anybody.
Cartman: Oh, yeah? Have you guys ever heard of (slyly) Scuzzlebutt?
Stan: What-butt?
Cartman: Scuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up this very mountain and kills anybody who dares climb at the top.
Stan: Why?
Cartman: Because it loves the taste of blood and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.
Kyle: Deformed like how?
Cartman: Well... On his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...
Stan: A hook?
Kyle: A knife!
Cartman: No. A piece of celery...
Stan: Celery??
Cartman: Yes. And he walks with a limp, because one of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be, there's nothing but...Patrick Duffy.
Kyle: Patrick Duffy?! Damn it, Cartman! That's not scary!
Cartman: What do you mean? Haven't you ever seen "Step by Step"?? (continues) Anyway, he lives alone on his mountain and weaves baskets and other assorted crafts. They say that on quiet nights, you can hear him weaving his baskets... (imitates weaving sounds)
Stan: Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories!
Kyle: Yeah! Give me that flashlight!
Stan: What's that stuff?
Cartman: Weight Gain 4000, it's helping me bulk up.
Kyle: Bulk up to what? Fat ass?
Stan: Super fat ass?
