Laverne Roberts Quotes
J.D.: You mind telling me why you lied to your brother about his condition?
Herman: You-you talk too fast.
Elliot: He said, "Warum haben sie ihren Bruder angelogen?"
Herman: Ich wollte meinen Bruder nicht Angst machen. Arschloch.
Elliot: He didn't want to upset his brother, jackass!
J.D.: Fine, just tell him that lying to his brother isn't gonna make him any better!
Laverne: We got Mr. Mueller's ultrasound back.
J.D.: His Biliary obstruction's relieved, and he's taking P.O.
Herman: That's good, yes?
J.D.: Da!
Elliot: Ja.
Herman: Ah!
Turk: Elliot, you don't get it, do you? Look, ever since I met Carla, I haven't dreamt about another woman.
Elliot: Turk! You're engaged. I mean, it's a huge commitment! It's totally natural to feel trapped or uncertain... maybe even a little scared?
Turk: Really?
Laverne: Uh-huh... Sorry.
Dr. Cox: Why have we never fixed or replaced this monstrosity?
Laverne: You know the deal around here - if it barely works, it's not gonna get replaced.
Dr. Cox: Well, I guess that explains why your ass is still on the payroll, huh?
J.D.: Shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up and shut up! Okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do, is just bitch about your relationships, all day long! (To Dr. Cox) And you know what? Glare all you want big dog, okay? 'Cause I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby!' That must be so hard for Doctor 'look at me!' isn't it? 'Look at me!' (To Carla and Turk) And you two, what you're arguing since you got engaged, wow you must be the first couple that's ever done that ever. It can't be that you're just scared. Is it? (To Elliot) And you, you know what? Let's just- let's just forget for one second that a month ago, you told me that you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are! UGHH!!
Laverne: Did I miss something good?
Ralphie: I had that inside of me.
Laverne: What, now?
Carla: He's just making stuff up. Come on.
Ralphie: I swallowed that ring, and my dad had to wait for me to go Number Two. And the black doctor gave me ten bucks to keep my mouth shut.
Laverne: Mm. Good show today.
J.D.: You know what, some stereotypes are true, Turk. Okay? And, just maybe, black people are a little better at basketball. Whatta you say?
Turk: Maybe a little.
Laverne: Y'all got hockey.
J.D.: I can't believe you did your residency here, too!
Pete: You kidding me? We lived, we loved, we sang to each other, for crying out loud. Hey, Laverne, remember the time you and I got a little crazy, right? Went down to the waterfall, stripped off our scrubs, dove in. You remember that, Laverne?
Laverne: Are you hittin' the crack-pipe?
Pete: See, that's the kind of magic I'm talking about, buddy!
J.D.: Look, I know that he's in private practice and everything, but Pete's actually a really cool guy.
Dr. Cox: He is a bad guy; and Newbie, if you're smart, you'll stay away from him.
J.D.: Oh, my God! You're actually jealous that I'm hanging out with another doctor!
Dr. Cox: No, I'm not.
J.D.: Laverne?
Laverne: Jealous!
J.D.: Ta-DOW!
Turk: Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.
J.D.: Oh, come on, this is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends...and...Nurse Roberts...
Laverne: Oh, hey, now, don't get all pissy now. You said "My treat, order whatever you want." You didn't say "order whatever you want except the lobster."
J.D.: I said "no shellfish."
Laverne: Mm-hmm. Well, just run one of the other nurses down here with some bedpans, please.
Nurse: Laverne, why can't you do it?
Laverne: 'Cause I've been here for twenty-three years and my feet hurt, that's why.
Elliot: Oh, Laverne, I am so excited about this doctor that I just met. He's nice... and humble... I just hate it how so many doctors are so self-centered, you know?
Laverne: Mm. I know exactly what you mean, girl. Just yesterday, I was-
Elliot: Oh, and he's so cute, too!
Doug: Uh, Dr. Cox. I was the one who switched with J.D.
Dr. Cox: Nervous Guy... How you feeling?
Doug: A little nervous.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about a thing, 'cause I'm gonna ease you in. Here's the deal: You have exactly eight seconds to find this patient's chart or you're through here.
Doug: God! Chart? Chart? Anyone?
Laverne: You want me to look for it?
Doug: Did anyone see a chart?!
Dr. Cox: Nah, I got the chart right here.
