Laverne Roberts Quotes
Elliot: Laverne, did you pull up Mr. Thompson's old charts?
Laverne: He was here like eight years ago complaining of the same abdominal pain, but as soon as he was given his pain medication, he went AMA.
Elliot: What, he just took the drugs and bolted?
Laverne: No... He took some towels, too.
Elliot: So everybody treating you okay?
Mr. Thompson: Yeah! You know, the nurse that does the sponge baths, I wouldn't be shocked if she's killed before... Heeey, sunshine!
Laverne: Why don't you just calm your ass down? You was barely bleeding.
Mr. Thompson: From a bath, woman!
Laverne: Mmmm-hmmm.
J.D.: Mmmm! Orange Goo Goo!
Laverne: Ain't nothing here for you, mooch!
Janitor: Man, I don't wanna clean this up!
Laverne: Well, then, I think you picked the wrong day to be the janitor.
Carla: Dr. Kelso, the sexual harassment around here has gotten out of control. Yesterday somebody asked Laverne if her boobs were made for walking! That's rude!... And it makes no sense.
Laverne: Paris and Nikki were not amused.
Carla: You named your breasts after the Hilton sisters?
Laverne: Other way around, sugar!
Turk: Dr. Miller accused me of being sexist. Me! I'm marrying Carla - who do you think wears the pants? And the shirts...and the shoes...and sometimes my underwear.
Elliot: Really?
Turk: I said nothing.
Laverne: Mr. Roberts likes to wear my brassieres.
Janitor: Okay, look, attention roof-poopers! Setting aside for a moment the fact that I'm gonna make sure that you all live to regret this day, let's keep the magic rolling - let's not tell anyone else that there's a toilet on the roof... There is not a toilet on the roof!
Todd: But you just said there was.
Janitor: No! Yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor... uhh... that means... "God is watching us." You've heard this, "There's a toilet on the roof." Right? People?
Laverne: That's right, ain't nothing up there.
Todd: Cool.
Janitor: Oh, man. Tell me you're not waiting to use my roof toilet!
Laverne: Well, I would use Dr. Kelso's like I normally do, but I don't wanna wake up Hector.
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird how much Dr. Casey has influenced me in such a short time.
J.D.: Bink!
Laverne: Hey! Bink you!
Laverne: I don't want a piece.
J.D.: Well you're the only one. Okay?
Ted: Mark my words! If one more person is mean to me for no reason, I'll do it!
Laverne: Shut up, bozo.
Ted: One more person. She didn't know the rules.
J.D.(on phone): Uh, listen, something's been on my mind...
Danni(on phone): Me too. I just feel like my life is so scattered lately and you're the only good thing I have going right now.
J.D.(on phone): Awesome.
Carla: How's he doing?
Laverne: The boy's got no biscuits.
J.D.: I am trying to break someone's heart here, okay?
