Laverne Roberts Quotes
J.D.(on phone): Uh, listen, something's been on my mind...
Danni(on phone): Me too. I just feel like my life is so scattered lately and you're the only good thing I have going right now.
J.D.(on phone): Awesome.
Carla: How's he doing?
Laverne: The boy's got no biscuits.
J.D.: I am trying to break someone's heart here, okay?
Elliot: Have the other doctors been making fun of the way I look?
Carla: What? No! No way! Why would you say that?
J.D.: Huh? I've never heard anything like that! Why?
Laverne: Hell, yeah.
J.D.: Hey, Laverne, my girlfriend's coming by; would you mind giving her the keys to my apartment?
Laverne: You know, I shacked up with a man before I was married, too. His name was Jesus.
Elliot: Our generation has the exact same morals and values as yours.
Carla: Come on, Elliot. Let's go find ourselves a man-whore!
Carla: But he's not my friend. My friends can make fun of me whenever they want.
Elliot: Really? Well, then, in that case you're a know-it-all smartypants and if you're not telling someone what to do, you're probably not talking.
Carla: Okay, I guess I can be a little bossy.
Laverne: A little? Girl, please! If you met Jesus hisself, you'd be trying to tell him where to park his donkey.
Laverne: Thanks for the Sea-World tickets, Sean.
Sean: So, you have family in town or something?
Laverne: Hell no, I'm going to sell these.
Sean: Oh... okay.
Elliot: Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?
Laverne: Have you been drinkin'?
Carla: Really?
Turk: Yeah! Yeah. It's just like in high school - I had this girlfriend who annoyed the crap out of me, but every time she came to one of my basketball games, I played like crazy out of my mind because all of a sudden I was playing for her. I wanted to make her proud. You understand what I'm saying?
Carla: You're saying I'm so annoying you can't stand working with me for even two days, but now that you have something to gain, you want me back.
Turk: Exactly. Thank you!
Carla: I didn't hear an apology anywhere in there!
Laverne: All I heard was nonsense.
Carla: Well, I'm telling you, Laverne, by this afternoon we're gonna find out whose urine this is.
Laverne: I got a better idea: Why don't you do that. I'm gonna run across the street and get my tooth fixed so I can stop looking like Larry Holmes.
Janitor: Nurse Espinosa, I feel bad about what happened before; and so I went and searched through like forty bags of garbage... And I found the torn off urine label. Also found half a tooth.
Laverne: Over here, jumpsuit!
Carla: Mr. Thomasberg, let's get you to the lab!
Dr. Cox: Hey, studly! Now, when you were out rooting through the dumpster, you didn't stumble across your own testicles, did'ja?
Janitor: Hey, you know that long line of trembling peons that are so afraid of you? Well I'm not in that line.
Dr. Cox: Oh, you're not?
Janitor: No. I'm not in anybody's line.
Laverne: This is a Chicklet!
Janitor: I gotta go.
Laverne: You'll be okay, Marshmallow.
Elliot: Laverne, do you call me "Marshmallow" because I'm soft and easily flattened?
Laverne: Well, yeah... But, if it makes you feel any better, it's also because you're very white.
Laverne: Lester? Honey, I don't want you using the stove on your own.
Man: Nurse, I asked for an extra pillow an hour ago!
Laverne: I'm talking to my husband! So why don't you get your own damn pillow?
Laverne: I gotta fix my own damn copy machine 'cause the maintenance man claims he's got more important things to do!
J.D.: Isn't he fixing the heat down in Pediatrics?
Laverne: Whatever!
