The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Lenny Leonard Quotes
Horst: We plan to have some frank discussions with your safety inspector.
Homer: He he, yeah. Sock it to him, Horst!
Lenny: Hey Homer, aren't you the safety inspector?
Homer: (looks at his badge) D'oh!
Lenny: Hit one here Charlie!
(Charlie swings his bat, it slips out his hands and goes flying into one of Lenny's shins)
Lenny: (in pain) Aah! Aaah!
Carl: That's it?
Lenny: Yeah, I've got a magic bat too!
Carl: And I have an enchanting jockstrap, Heh, heh, heh.
Carl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.
Barney: (whacking invisible snakes) Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?
Carl: Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: (bitter) I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh, You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
Lenny: Aw, if they hire a woman we won't be able to spit on the floor.
Carl: And we can't take off our pants when it gets real hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain.
(Lenny and Carl stare at him)
Homer: Er, I mean, not--you know, if we wanted to--not that I ever did.
Homer: (writing on his hand) Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Lenny: (writing on his hand) Max, what I did was because of alcohol and anger...
Guy with huge hand: (writing on his hand) I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incidence occurred in 1956 when...
Mindy: Hi Homer!
Homer: Mindy! Uh...Ahem...
Homer's Brain: Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert...
Homer: Mu...Murphy... You, you are an elf... uncontrollably... I think!
Homer: So uh...what do you guys think of Mindy?
Carl: We love cake. Anybody see the game last night?
Homer: Yeeeah. That Mindy seems real nice.
Lenny: Homer, what's with you? You're talking during a coffee break!
Carl: Yeah, usually you just take the box of donuts into the bathroom!
Homer: Mindy has a motorcycle!
Ned: Oh, I guess it's time for me to duck again.
Homer: No! I want everyone to know that-- (yelling out window) --this is Ned Flanders, my friend!
Lenny: What'd he say?
Carl: I dunno. Something about being gay.
Colby Krause: Homer, here in the bowling alley, you're a totally different man. Relaxed, confident...
Homer: Is this going somewhere?
Colby Krause: What we have to do is figure a way to make "Bowling Alley Homer" into "Everyday Homer."
Lenny: I have an aunt who became an uncle. Is it like that?
(Awkward silence. Lenny wanders off.)
Colby Krause: I want you to wear those bowling shoes out the door and everywhere you go. It's crazy, but it just might work!
Homer: Dr. Frederick J. Waxman, you're a genius!
Colby Krause: That's not my name.
Homer: I wasn't talking to you.
