Lynette Scavo Quotes
Lynette: Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause, so until this blows over you have to be a model employee: show up on time, no more three martini lunches and above all, have ready all your presentations.
Tom: I can't believe I've been victimized like this.
Lynette: Honey, in all fairness...those are all things you should be doing anyway..
Tom: ...Fine!
Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!
Lynette: You're an award-winning copywriter, Ed, you get paid to write!
Ed: Yeah, jingles for oatmeal, not soft-core porn!
Lynette: For God's sake, it's not brain surgery!
Ed: At least you and Tom have a love life.
Lynette: Well, we do the best we can given the circumstances.
Ed: Better than Fran and I. We're dead in that department. Ah, no, I don't wanna bore you with details.
Lynette: I appreciate that. You know, Ed. I don't want to pry into your personal business, but if you are having problems in that area, you don't have to be resigned to it.
Ed: What are you suggesting, hookers? No, Ed Ferrara doesn't pay for sex.
Parker: I don't believe you.
Lynette: Parker I'm your mother! Mothers don't lie to their sons! Now, go wash your hands or Santa's not going to bring you anything for Christmas.
Mrs. Pate: Yesterday afternoon, Parker offered a cookie to Cindy Lou Peeples if she would show him her vagina.
Lynette: What kind of cookie?
Mrs. Pate: What does that matter?
Lynette: Oh, it doesn't. I'm just stalling because I am completely mortified.
Lynette: That's not why you came to apologize is it?
Bree: What do you mean?
Lynette: To soften me up for the deposition...
Gabrielle: So you think Bree punched Andrew in the face 'cause I don't!
Lynette: I don't either, but on the other hand, she spanked my kids, she lied about her drinking, and I once saw her bitchslap her mother-in-law. So I'm torn.
Gabrielle: Well I'm siding with Bree.
Lynette: Bree Van De Kamp and I have known each other a long time. I trust her completely. She's a wonderful friend and a fantastic mother. She puts the rest of us to shame.
Andrew: She's lying! Are you gonna let her get away with this crap?!
While Lynette is giving her deposition
Mr. Bormanis: Do you consider Mrs. Van De Kamp to have a drinking problem?
Lynette: No.
Mr. Bormanis: Then why did you line empty wine bottles up on her front stoop?
Lynette (chuckles): I was helping Bree with her recycling.
Mr. Bormanis: Do I need to remind you of the potential consequences of perjury?
Lynette: No, you don't. In fact, I hate liars (she looks straight at Andrew).
Veronica: If that's not bad enough, now I'm gonna get fat again.
Lynette: Huh?
Veronica: Breast-feeding was the only thing that kept the weight off. Every mealtime was like doing thirty minutes of cardio. Now I'm gonna have to join a gym!
Lynette: Wow, that is really a bummer.
Veronica: It is. It really is.
Veronica (to Lynette): Did you know that breast milk is thought to raise IQ scores?
They look at the daycare room and see Donovan painting quietly on the floor, while the Scavo boys are yelling and hitting each other and making a mess
Veronica: Yeah, maybe if you'd weaned your kids a bit later, they'd be more civilized.
Lynette: Ouch.
