The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMarge Simpson Quotes
(Homer is searching for his wedding album.)
Homer: Where is it? I gotta find out what color Marge's eyes are.
Homer: Ah! Cha-ching!
(He goes to open the album only to find it has a combination lock, and is shut tight.)
Homer: Ohh! Oh, Marge darling... What's the combination to our wedding album?
Marge: Our anniversary.
Homer: (Pauses) D'oh!
Lisa: I can't believe that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad.
Marge: Hmm, I guess you should judge a book by its cover.
Secret Agent: Definitely! Especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover, it usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.
(From "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson.")
Marge: All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, you were out killing people?!
Homer: I was out getting drunk, then killing people!
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Marge serves Homer dinner.)
Marge: Homie, I made you my killer lasagna.
Homer's Brain: It's poison. Whatever you do, don't eat it.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it.
(Homer finishes the lasagna.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for--
Homer: Seconds, please.
Homer's Brain: You moron! Just kill her!
Homer: I'll kill her after dessert!
(Marge reaches into a pie on the table and pulls out two handguns, while Homer quickly produces a shotgun.)
Marge: You're a killer for hire!
Homer: You ruined that pie!
Hmm. You just can't get Russian gangster blood out. Must be something they eat.
</i> Marge
Marge: You have to be there! You missed way too many precious moments in the childrens' lives.
Homer: What?! Name twelve!
Marge: Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day. And you have to come sober!
Homer: American sober or Irish sober?
Marge: Point zero eight sober.
Homer: Point one five.
Marge: Point zero nine.
Homer: Point one oh, with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
Marge: (Groans) Deal.
Marge: Bart, I'm starting to worry about your father.
Bart: Well, I know he seems to get dumber every year, but lately he's plateaued.
Lisa: There must be a website that can help you deal with a clingy baby.
Marge: Oh, I don't want to bother the internet with my problem.
Bart: Aw, come on, Mom. We'll help you surf.
(Marge sits down at the computer, grabs the mouse and starts clicking away.)
Bart: Click that one, Mom.
Lisa: No, go up.
Bart Keep going--up, up, up!
Lisa: The blue ones are ads.
Bart: That's the toolbar.
Lisa: No you've opened Word; close it!
Bart: Close it. Do-don't save it!
Lisa: Stop clicking.
Bart: Don't go there!
Lisa: Why are you buying a freezer?!
Bart: Don't click the cart or you've bought it!
Lisa: Aw, you clicked the cart!
Marge: (Upset) If you're so smart, you do it!
(Bart pushes one button and finds a baby website; Marge groans.)
(Homer and Marge enjoy the buffet at a wake.)
Marge: Oh Homer, you gotta try this roast beef au jus.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer: Mmm! Au jus! Not quite gravy, not quite blood.
Marge: Homer, we're trapped! Your fans will rip us to pieces!
Homer: Not me. They love me.
(Homer takes the control of the jet.)
Marge: Homie, what are you doing? You don't know how to fly!
Homer: I drove a car over a cliff once! How different could it be? (Looks out through the windshield.) Hmm, what's the ocean doing in the sky?
