Okay I know what you're doing. You're gay Yoda-ing me? Wait is that redundant?

That's right I'm straight now. From this moment forward, it's gonna be a steady diet of boobs and dudes, dammit. I am not longer interest in men, I am only interest in mankind. From this moment forward it will be a steady diet will be chicks with d...ammit. I love guys. My favorite thing to touch is va-penis.

Get paid to have sex and eat free food, Jane you beautiful broomstick I love it.

I'd storm out right now if my love for funeral food wasn't greater than my hatred for two selfish jerks.

I plan on wining, dining and 79ing him. And yes if you're wondering that is 10 better!

Max: It's a direct quote from my original screenplay "Heat 2: It's getting hot up in here."

I didn't vote for Obama because I didn't respect his March Madness bracket!

Max: You didn't like Ringling brother for brothers?
Brad: It would've been the greatest show on earf!

Max: Hello this is not a foursome, you guys are totally fifth wheeling me!
Dave: C'mon man we're not fifth wheeling you, Joey Fatone.
Brad: Yeah you're still part of the group Sporty Spice.
Jane: You're our favorite character Roz from Frasier.

Jane: Penny's happy so as her friend you should-
Max: - Probably be trying to break her and Pete up? Yeah I just don't know if that seems like me.

She's like Crazy Stupid Love crazy, not like people who loved Crazy Stupid Love crazy, I mean she's not a psycho.

I don't know what the two of you are up to, I think it's amazing, I want no part of it.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."