Michael Bluth Quotes
Michael: (to Maggie) You know, there's zero trust here. Good-bye, it's been fun. Not.
Narrator: Michael had hoped something a little more dramatic would have come out of his mouth. Or at least more current.
Lucille: What the hell was I supposed to do? Michael Moore confronted me in front of the whole country!
Michael: First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore, it was a Michael Moore look-alike. And it wasn't in front of the whole country, it was for a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. (to the waiter) Can I get a Virgin Pina Colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.
Michael: We need to speak to you about getting a divorce for Gob.
Barry: Well, I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I?
(Smiles and holds up hand for high five)
Michael: Actually, she died.
Barry: You're kidding me. I've been taking credit for that for years!
Michael: (about Sally) I'm dating her, but I just want to make sure that you're comfortable with that.
George Michael: Well, of course! We can double-date. You and Sally, and me and Ann.
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Wh... Ann?
Michael: Ah, yes. Of course I know Ann. I didn't mean "who", I meant, uh, "her".
Tobias: Do you have any idea how often you say the word 'afraid'?
Michael: Well, I know I used it in the jacuzzi.
Tobias: And I apologize for that; I thought it was a pool toy.
Michael: You were not on a date with Dragon.
Lindsay: I know that, Michael. It was pretty obvious when Dragon kept swooping Uncle Jack in for a kiss.
Lucille: She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the jokes on her because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.
Michael: I think that makes the joke on Gob.
Michael: If you had tried and failed, I'd understand, but you didn't even try.
Lindsay: So I didn't even fail, and I don't see you giving me credit for that.
Michael: It all makes sense. Why else would Sally Sitwell be avoiding me?
Lindsay: Because she thinks you're a loser.
Gob: And why would Lucille 2 be so distant toward me?
Lindsay: Because she knows you're a loser.
Michael: (about the basket) Why don't you take this? I don't have anyone to go with anyway.
Tobias: Can you imagine how jealous that would make her? "Where's Tobias?!" "Oh, he's just sharing a romantic horseback ride with Michael Bluth and they're dipping each other in..." Oh, you didn't get anybody chocolate ...
Michael: I didn't mean with me. I hate to see you struggle like this. In fact, why don't you let me ask her for you?
Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you're gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias: (gasps) Butterscotch! Want a lick?
Tobias: I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: There's just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
