The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Mr. Burns Quotes
Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Mr. Burns: I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
Homer: Gotcha! Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice!
Mr. Burns: I must have her! Smithers, zoom in. Closer! Closer! Closer, dammit!
(the camera hits Marge in the head)
Marge: Ow!
Mr. Burns: Too close.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.
Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man.
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man.
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name.
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns.
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke.
Mr. Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm MR. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty, but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
Mr. Burns: Burns!
Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
Mr. Burns: Hello my name is Mr. Snrub and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!
Boy: You can't treat the working man this way. One day we'll form a union and get the fair and equittable treatment we deserve. Then we'll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless and the Japanese will eat us alive!
Mr. Burns' Grandfather: The Japanese!? Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders? Bosh! Flimshaw!
Years Later
Mr. Burns: If only we'd listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.
Mr. Burns: Now, let's get down to business.
Homer: (thinking) Oh, man. I have to go to the bathroom. Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?
Mr. Burns: Now Homer, I know what you're thinking. I want to take the pressure off. Now, it doesn't take a "whiz" to know that you're looking out for "Number One". Well, listen to me, and you'll make a big splash very soon.
Homer: Ooh, which way to the bathroom?
Mr. Burns: Oh, it's the twenty-third door on the left.
Look at them all through the darkness I'm bringing, they're not sad at all, they're actually singing.
Mr. Burns: Find the bathroom all right?
Homer: Uuuuh..... yeah!
Until Roosevelt's new deal starts working, this country's still in a depression. I'm spending a fortune on atoms. We have to cut costs.
