Popular Perry Cox Quotes
Jordan: What the hell happened to you?
Dr. Cox: I got them to reverse the vasectomy.
Jordan: What an incredibly normal thing to do!
Jordan: You know what, I'd love to stay and chat, but if we're late for ballet, Jack won't get a spot by the bathroom and then he'll pee in his tights.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, my son is taking...is taking ballet? Come on, Jordan, he's already got an overbearing mother and a fairly prominent lisp. If we stick him in the tights, well, we might as well just go ahead and get him a timeshare on Fire Island.
Carla: Where the hell have you been for the last few days?
Dr. Cox: Deep-sea fishing.
Carla: You hate fishing.
Dr. Cox: Went with my buddies.
Carla: You don't have any buddies.
Dr. Cox: Oh, yeah? Well, we landed a two hundred pound white marlin off the coast of San Diego.
Janitor: Interesting. 'Cause that's three thousand miles from the natural habitat of the white marlin. Hmm. Well, perhaps it hopped a train from Cape Cod!
Dr. Cox: Why!?
Janitor: I'm bustin' chops today. You can ask anybody.
Carla: It's true.
Janitor: See?
Cox: You look so hot. When's the last time we kissed?
Jordan: About a month ago.
Cox: When's the last time we had sex?
Jordan: Yesterday.
Janitor: So... You don't want to know the ending of something? I can relate to that.
Dr. Cox: What is that in your lap?
Janitor: Leonard! Half kitten, half monkey!
Dr. Cox: I don't have any idea how they might have gotten in here, Bob. But I can tell you this: If you think I'm missing the biggest game of the year, you got another thing-
Dr. Kelso: I hate to interrupt you, but I'm still feeling a little woozy from being shot into my wall like a lawn dart. So why don't you just go work your shift and use my VCR to tape the game?
Dr. Cox: When did you get this?
Dr. Kelso: Right about the time we couldn't afford that M.R.I. machine.
Dr. Cox: Ah, of course you did.
Ted: Here's the key to Kelso's office.
Dr. Cox: And here's Nurse Tisdale's phone number.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I have thought about it, and I am not going to just stand around and wait for Mr. Chang to die.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: Are you kidding me? Barbie going toe-to-toe with Big Bob in a battle of the annoyings? Well, happy birthday to me!
Elliot: We should do an exchange transfusion.
Dr. Cox: And the southpaw with the blonde bangs and the big britches comes out sa-winging!
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, the man is seventy-two and in multisystem organ dysfunction. It's done! It's parasites one, person zero! And if you tell that family he's got a chance, all you're doing is raising their hopes.
Dr. Cox: Ohhh! Tremendous body blow!
Dr. Kelso: Oh, and for the record, we're not colleagues. I don't care what you think.
Dr. Cox: Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! And the fight goes to the stocky middleweight from Monroeville, Pennsylvania!
Dr. Kelso: By the way, Perry, Mickhead called in sick. I need you to work tonight.
Dr. Cox: Well, yeah, that's well and good, but I'm not available.
Elliot: Do you believe that guy?
Dr. Cox: I never cease to be amazed by the depth of his cynicism and callousness.
Elliot: So, what do you think we should do?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't care. I'm going home to watch the Lakers play the Heat. It's the game of the year - Shaq versus Kobe. And you are going to stay here and deal with this yourself.
Elliot: Shaq versus Kobe?
Dr. Cox: All the best.
Dr. Cox: God save me, watching sports is one of the last pure pleasures I have left in my life. So you, you tell me, what's it gonna take for you to let me go home, sit in my massage chair, and enjoy the game?
Janitor: I would like...to perform open-heart surgery.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: How about you perform surgery on me so that I can breathe under water.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: I would like a shark that can read minds.
Dr. Cox: No!
Janitor: You and I trade lives for a year.
Dr. Cox: No!
Janitor: How about a home-cooked meal and an hour in your massage chair?
Dr. Cox: Done.
Ooh, Bar-bye! You are up there without a net this time! Well, I sure do hope Mr. Chang rallies for ya, because if he doesn't, sure shootin' you're gonna be hearing Bob Kelso's voice saying "sweetheart, I told you so" from now until you are two inches shorter and driving around Florida with your left-hand blinker on.
Dr. Cox
Janitor: Oh, now it's time to ruin the game! Come with me to the window!
Dr. Cox: Why? What do you have, some elaborate plan?
Janitor: I do, as a matter of fact. I convinced everybody in this hospital that's afraid of me to go outside and spell out the score of the game.
Dr. Cox: Really?
Janitor: No, you idiot. I'm just gonna tell you the score of the game...maybe knock your head against the glass.
