Popular Perry Cox Quotes
Dr. Cox: Listen up. I have been cursed to work the night shift with you chuckleheads, which means I have to tape the Laker-Heat game. And seeing as no one in the history of this germ box has ever made it through a shift without saying "Oh my God, oh, my God, did you see what happened last night on America's Fattest Fatties? A 900 pound woman lost a pound and a half and cried for twenty minutes!" Be warned: If you utter a word about the score of the game, it will be your last.
Dr. Cox: You're gonna wanna grab a mop-
Janitor: Shush. Watching 'The Sixth Sense'.
Dr. Cox: There's a mess in the hallway.
Janitor: This kid sees dead people.
Dr. Cox: That film is at least five years old.
Janitor: So what? I haven't seen it.
Dr. Cox: Bruce Willis is a ghost. He's been dead the entire time. All the best.
Janitor: Noooo! NO!
Carla: Give him a break! What if you found out Jordan had a history with somebody here?
Dr. Cox: Oh, fair enough. Uh, hey, everyone! In the brief eighteen months that Jordan and I weren't together, how many of you had your way with her?
(Just about everyone raises their hands, except J.D., who tries to look innocent.)
Dr. Cox: Bear in mind, I'm gonna need absolute honesty here or I will brain you.
(When Kylie's attention is turned, J.D. quickly sticks his hand up.)
Dr. Cox: Anyway, whoever taught Jordan that reverse cowgirl position... it's long overdue, but thank you.
Dr. Mickhead: You're welcome.
Carla: You're a freak.
Dr. Cox: Hey, baby.
Carla: Keep it together.
Dr. Cox: Do you remember that quarantine we had seven years ago? It was just you and me, all alone late at night here in the I.C.U.?
Turk: That's it.
Carla: Turk! You really had to do that?
Dr. Cox: Come on. If he wasn't such a jealous baby, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Carla: The worst first date that I ever had was with this guy who took me to this dump of a pizza parlor, right?
Turk: Yeah... you know what? Really don't wanna hear about this one. Okay!
Dr. Cox: ...And she didn't like the pizza I ordered because it had anchovies on it. You believe that?
Carla: It had anchovies.
Dr. Cox: And pineapples.
Carla: And pineapples?
Dr. Cox: And red peppers.
Carla: And green peppers.
Turk: Ohhh.
Carla: Wait - red peppers!
Turk: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Turk: I don't understand why Carla didn't tell me about you guys.
Dr. Cox: Maybe it's because she's really in love with me, and together we injected you with diabetes to very slowly get you out of the picture. Or maybe it's because I really liked her, but she didn't exactly feel the same way about me and I got the forehead kiss after spending ninety stinkin' dollars on theater tickets. Or maybe - and this is a huge outside maybe - maybe she knows that you're the kind of person who freaks out over irrelevant things from the past. Personally, I hope it's all three.
Dr. Cox: So, Nurse Ghandirella, I need you to suction this guy, do a wet-to-dry dressing change, and, oh, what the hell, go ahead and top him off with one of your special, special sponge baths - happy ending optional, his choice, not yours.
Turk: This guy's in a coma.
Dr. Cox: Not all of him.
Dr. Cox: Otherwise, let's bear in mind that we are short-handed - there are only four doctors here.
Turk: I counted more than that.
Dr. Cox: I'm talking legitimate doctors, turtle head. Here, Pee-Pants is a pathologist, so he doesn't count. Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for "fake doctor," and please don't even get me started on you four surgeons.
Todd: There's only two of us.
Dr. Cox: You are so very useless, I counted you both twice.
Todd: Yeah you did!
Danni: SARS sucks.
Dr. Cox: Okay. You can direct any technical questions to my former sister-in-law.
Dr. Cox: She's your nightmare sister. You take her out to dinner.
Jordan: I spent the whole day with her. She stole a sweater!
Danni: So what? You're the one wearing it. Now let's go eat. I've had nothing all day except vodka and olives.
Danni: Wanna hang out?
Dr. Cox: Depends. Does "hang out" mean "choke you"?
Dr. Cox: All right, talent show's about to start.
Mr. James: Talent show? I'd love to see it, but I'm too tired to get out of bed.
J.D.: That sucks for you!
