Perry Cox Quotes
Jordan: Oh, for God's sake, Perry! Adjust your bra, man up, and fire the one with the least pathetic story!
Dr. Cox: Do you really think I know any of these people's stories?
Janitor: Well, let me fill you in. First we have Hank - four kids, trying to make it on a dishwasher's salary. Next one is Mike - lost half his leg in a motorcycle accident. And then there's Judy - been here thirty years, just two away from retirement.
Jordan: You're...you're friends with all these people?
Janitor: You kidding me? I read their files. I read everybody's files, Ms. Manic-Depressive, Dr. Drinks-A-Lot.
Dr. Cox: She's your nightmare sister. You take her out to dinner.
Jordan: I spent the whole day with her. She stole a sweater!
Danni: So what? You're the one wearing it. Now let's go eat. I've had nothing all day except vodka and olives.
Danni: SARS sucks.
Dr. Cox: Okay. You can direct any technical questions to my former sister-in-law.
Dr. Cox: Otherwise, let's bear in mind that we are short-handed - there are only four doctors here.
Turk: I counted more than that.
Dr. Cox: I'm talking legitimate doctors, turtle head. Here, Pee-Pants is a pathologist, so he doesn't count. Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for "fake doctor," and please don't even get me started on you four surgeons.
Todd: There's only two of us.
Dr. Cox: You are so very useless, I counted you both twice.
Todd: Yeah you did!
Danni: Wanna hang out?
Dr. Cox: Depends. Does "hang out" mean "choke you"?
Dr. Cox: Hey, baby.
Carla: Keep it together.
Dr. Cox: Do you remember that quarantine we had seven years ago? It was just you and me, all alone late at night here in the I.C.U.?
Turk: That's it.
Carla: Turk! You really had to do that?
Dr. Cox: Come on. If he wasn't such a jealous baby, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Carla: The worst first date that I ever had was with this guy who took me to this dump of a pizza parlor, right?
Turk: Yeah... you know what? Really don't wanna hear about this one. Okay!
Dr. Cox: ...And she didn't like the pizza I ordered because it had anchovies on it. You believe that?
Carla: It had anchovies.
Dr. Cox: And pineapples.
Carla: And pineapples?
Dr. Cox: And red peppers.
Carla: And green peppers.
Turk: Ohhh.
Carla: Wait - red peppers!
Turk: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Turk: I don't understand why Carla didn't tell me about you guys.
Dr. Cox: Maybe it's because she's really in love with me, and together we injected you with diabetes to very slowly get you out of the picture. Or maybe it's because I really liked her, but she didn't exactly feel the same way about me and I got the forehead kiss after spending ninety stinkin' dollars on theater tickets. Or maybe - and this is a huge outside maybe - maybe she knows that you're the kind of person who freaks out over irrelevant things from the past. Personally, I hope it's all three.
Dr. Cox: So, Nurse Ghandirella, I need you to suction this guy, do a wet-to-dry dressing change, and, oh, what the hell, go ahead and top him off with one of your special, special sponge baths - happy ending optional, his choice, not yours.
Turk: This guy's in a coma.
Dr. Cox: Not all of him.
Carla: Give him a break! What if you found out Jordan had a history with somebody here?
Dr. Cox: Oh, fair enough. Uh, hey, everyone! In the brief eighteen months that Jordan and I weren't together, how many of you had your way with her?
(Just about everyone raises their hands, except J.D., who tries to look innocent.)
Dr. Cox: Bear in mind, I'm gonna need absolute honesty here or I will brain you.
(When Kylie's attention is turned, J.D. quickly sticks his hand up.)
Dr. Cox: Anyway, whoever taught Jordan that reverse cowgirl position... it's long overdue, but thank you.
Dr. Mickhead: You're welcome.
Carla: You're a freak.
Ooh, Bar-bye! You are up there without a net this time! Well, I sure do hope Mr. Chang rallies for ya, because if he doesn't, sure shootin' you're gonna be hearing Bob Kelso's voice saying "sweetheart, I told you so" from now until you are two inches shorter and driving around Florida with your left-hand blinker on.
Dr. Cox
Janitor: Oh, now it's time to ruin the game! Come with me to the window!
Dr. Cox: Why? What do you have, some elaborate plan?
Janitor: I do, as a matter of fact. I convinced everybody in this hospital that's afraid of me to go outside and spell out the score of the game.
Dr. Cox: Really?
Janitor: No, you idiot. I'm just gonna tell you the score of the game...maybe knock your head against the glass.
